IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

What's the right age for parents to get their kids a cell phone? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#right #age #parents #kids #cell #phone
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In
Change preposition
At
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 what stage of life parents can give cellular
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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for
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to
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 their
children
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.
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?
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In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 the right
age
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 for
children
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 to
use
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 a
cell
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phone
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 is 16 to 18 years. I believe
this
Linking Words
 essay will give
idea
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an idea
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 about when a parent should buy a
cell
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phone
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 for their
children
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.
To begin
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with
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with,
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cell
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Use synonyms
phone
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phones
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 are part of everyone’s life whether they are young or old. Almost, 99% of the population uses
cell
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Use synonyms
phone
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phones
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 for various purposes. people
use
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cell
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Use synonyms
phone
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phones
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 for communication, sending e-mails, transferring money,
as well as
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 browsing information for education and
also
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 for business purposes.
Now the days
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
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,
Children
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 are more into technology than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults. But, the right
age
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 for a kid to
use
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 a
phone
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 is above 16 years. Because
by
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apply
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16-year-old they know how to control their limitations in using their
phone
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. below
16-year
Correct word choice
16-year-old
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 kids will be more
addictive
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addicted
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in
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to
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 using phones for playing games and
also
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 be
tempting
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tempted
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 to
use
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 vulnerable sites.
For example
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, a boy named Ramesh was given a
phone
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 by his father when he was
10-year-old
Correct your spelling
10 years old
 so that he
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 download some information for his social science project. Upon
browsing
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browsing,
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 he saw an advertisement for a game which diverted him to download and play the game where he ended up
in
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apply
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not finishing the homework and was punished in school the next day.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 are in
developing
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the developing
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 stage till the
age
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 of 18.
Children
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 are taught about obedience, truthfulness ,
good
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and good
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 habits from their childhood. Frequent
uses
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use
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 of
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cell
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a cell
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phone
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 not only bring various health problems like vision issues, deafness, immobility and worst cases tumour but
also
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it
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apply
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destroys their moral character.
For Instance
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, a boy started playing games at the
age
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 of 14. His parents couldn’t control him. He became very disobedient and
anger
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angry
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 towards his parent.
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Finally
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Finally,
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 to summarize I believe it will be always good for the parents to give the
cell
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phone
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 to their
offpring
Correct your spelling
offspring
offering
 after the
age
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 of 16 where they can be of little understanding and be
matured
Replace the word
mature
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 enough to understand the advantage and
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 of using
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phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
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.
Submitted by jennimanu926 on

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Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow of ideas and connect your paragraphs more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied phrases and expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to verb tenses and sentence structures for more accurate and sophisticated language use.
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