Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?

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No doubt celebrities or
sportsmen
Use synonyms
get paid
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
than other occupations like nurses, doctors or
teachers
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree that
teachers
Use synonyms
or health workers should be paid more than those
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
reasons why I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
are enlist
Change the verb form
are enlisted
are enlisting
show examples
below.
Firstly
Linking Words
if we talk about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we know that teaching is a noble profession.
Teachers
Use synonyms
are not only building their students they are building the base of the entire nation. Dealing,
seven plus
Add a hyphen
seven-plus
show examples
hours a day with students of different backgrounds can drain a person emotionally
as well as
Linking Words
mentally.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
spent
seventeen plus
Add a hyphen
seventeen-plus
show examples
years of their life in studying and gaining experiences to teach every type of student, In return what they are getting is sadly only meeting their expenses.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
celebrities like tik tokers, bloggers and so on
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
paid a hefty amount for a ten sec video or
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
a dancing video, from which our children are not getting anything obviously.
Sportsmen
Use synonyms
play a game and get paid
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
three times more than a teacher or
healthworker
Correct your spelling
health workers
,
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
healthworkers
Correct your spelling
health workers
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
day and night for the
well being
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well-being
show examples
and solemn of people, In return getting not even half of the amount they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
on their studies and degrees. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sportsmen
Use synonyms
or celebrities are not well educated just has a school degree but
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a very good income,
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
our
teachers
Use synonyms
, doctors or nurses
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
half of their lives studies working hard to get
this
Linking Words
status and education, after that they get a year or two years
expierence
Correct your spelling
experience
to get a job, but standard teaching or medical profession jobs are not paying enough to their employees which is really sad. I will conclude my essay by mentioning one main point, we should raise
pay
Add an article
the pay
show examples
of
teachers
Use synonyms
or
healthworkhers
Correct your spelling
health
it is very important so that our
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
can idealize them,
Moreover
Linking Words
if you see these days
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation is idealizing bloggers or
sportsmen
Use synonyms
more which is even not good for their country progression.
Submitted by ammamatif on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed in the response. Present a clear opinion and support it with detailed arguments and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize ideas in a logical manner to improve coherence. Use linking words and phrases to connect different parts of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary. Use more varied and precise words to express ideas and provide a stronger argument.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Aim for more complex and accurate sentences to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribution
  • essential
  • well-being
  • education
  • training
  • dedication
  • entertain
  • inspire
  • significant
  • exorbitant
  • attract
  • talented
  • professions
  • improve
  • overall
  • quality
  • healthcare
  • priority
  • development
  • citizens
What to do next:
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