IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people thik that getting a degree from univeristy is the best way to guarantee the job, other believe that it would be better to gain experience first. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 support the notion that obtaining a
college
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degree
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 is the best way to secure a
job
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,
while
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 others think that acquiring
experience
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 is more important. Both arguments have their own claims, but I am more inclined to the opinion of gaining a
degree
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 from a
university
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 for future jobs. In general, it takes an average of a four-year period to eventually gain a
college
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degree
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. During the process of study completion,
people
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 who went through
university
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 degrees acquired experiences knowledge, and
skills
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 in their majors.
Furthermore
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, organizational experiences and presentation
skills
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 are
also
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 important components in preparing students to get better
job
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 opportunities during
university
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.
Besides
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, the majority of companies require a bachelor's
degree
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 for their applicants as the minimum requirement to apply at their workplace.
Hence
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,
people
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 who obtained a
degree
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 from
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university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 have advantages over others who do not in that context.
On the other hand
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, it does not mean
people
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 who gain
experience
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 first make the wrong decision . Certain jobs,
for example
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,
such
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 as part-time jobs, freelancers, or tech companies usually do not need a specific
degree
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 and prioritizing
skills
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 required to meet the
job
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 descriptions. Hard
skills
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 as coding, and product design, are types of
skills
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 which not rely on obtaining a
college
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degree
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 but can be learned by being self-taught.
Therefore
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, getting
experience
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 to secure a
job
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 rather than merely a
degree
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also
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 works to land a
job
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 for one. In conclusion, gaining a
college
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degree
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 has
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 advantage to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 better prepared and to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 minimum requirements for a large number of companies to get a
job
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. But, it is not automatically undermining
people
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 who prioritize gaining
experience
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 first as there is a different path for them to apply and get hired.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to this idea. Avoid introducing new topics without proper explanation or linking them to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing stronger, clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of the essay by using a broader range of cohesive devices. This could include sequencing words like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' as well as contrast indicators like 'however' or 'on the other hand.',
task achievement
For a fully developed response, try to incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. Allowing the reader to understand the practical implications of your argument.
task achievement
While the overall response completes the task, strive to cover all aspects of the prompt more evenly. Ensure that both views and your own opinion are given equal consideration and development throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive theoretical foundation
  • critical thinking skills
  • job market
  • networking opportunities
  • internships
  • theoretical knowledge
  • practical experience
  • workplace dynamics
  • hands-on skills
  • work environment
  • formal qualifications
  • real-world settings
  • adapt to
  • employers
  • candidates
  • practical skills
  • formal degrees
  • work experience
  • industries
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