Some people thik that getting a degree from univeristy is the best way to guarantee the job, other believe that it would be better to gain experience first. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
support the notion that obtaining a
college
degree
is the best way to secure a
job
,
while
others think that acquiring
experience
is more important. Both arguments have their own claims, but I am more inclined to the opinion of gaining a
degree
from a
university
for future jobs. In general, it takes an average of a four-year period to eventually gain a
college
degree
. During the process of study completion,
people
who went through
university
degrees acquired experiences knowledge, and
skills
in their majors.
Furthermore
, organizational experiences and presentation
skills
are
also
important components in preparing students to get better
job
opportunities during
university
.
Besides
, the majority of companies require a bachelor's
degree
for their applicants as the minimum requirement to apply at their workplace.
Hence
,
people
who obtained a
degree
from
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
have advantages over others who do not in that context.
On the other hand
, it does not mean
people
who gain
experience
first make the wrong decision . Certain jobs,
for example
,
such
as part-time jobs, freelancers, or tech companies usually do not need a specific
degree
and prioritizing
skills
required to meet the
job
descriptions. Hard
skills
as coding, and product design, are types of
skills
which not rely on obtaining a
college
degree
but can be learned by being self-taught.
Therefore
, getting
experience
to secure a
job
rather than merely a
degree
also
works to land a
job
for one. In conclusion, gaining a
college
degree
has
an
Change the article
the
show examples
advantage to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
better prepared and to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
minimum requirements for a large number of companies to get a
job
. But, it is not automatically undermining
people
who prioritize gaining
experience
first as there is a different path for them to apply and get hired.
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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to this idea. Avoid introducing new topics without proper explanation or linking them to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing stronger, clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of the essay by using a broader range of cohesive devices. This could include sequencing words like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' as well as contrast indicators like 'however' or 'on the other hand.',
task achievement
For a fully developed response, try to incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. Allowing the reader to understand the practical implications of your argument.
task achievement
While the overall response completes the task, strive to cover all aspects of the prompt more evenly. Ensure that both views and your own opinion are given equal consideration and development throughout the essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive theoretical foundation
  • critical thinking skills
  • job market
  • networking opportunities
  • internships
  • theoretical knowledge
  • practical experience
  • workplace dynamics
  • hands-on skills
  • work environment
  • formal qualifications
  • real-world settings
  • adapt to
  • employers
  • candidates
  • practical skills
  • formal degrees
  • work experience
  • industries
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