in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for goverments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. to what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh this disadvantages

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I believe most
development
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developed
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countries
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can curb their population
in
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into
show examples
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
age groups and
Correct article usage
the diffrence
show examples
diffrence
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difference
differences
between
numbers
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the numbers
show examples
of these groups is not
to
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too
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much. In a lot of
countries
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,
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a life
the life
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life time
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lifetime
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of
people
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has increased. Some
people
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say an increase
of
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in
show examples
life time
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lifetime
show examples
creates issues for governments. Other
people
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believe it has some plus points to have
older
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an older
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community.
This
Linking Words
essay will explore
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
advantages of having elderly
people
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and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
disadvantages of it. I will start by looking at the advantages, as
i
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I
show examples
see it, having older
people
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means having wiser
people
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.
For example
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, in
countries
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with younger
people
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,
crime
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the crime
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rate is considerably higher than
older
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in older
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one
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ones
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so
crime
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the crime
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rate is lower.
In addition
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,
goverments
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governments
government
do not need to provide
a large numbers
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a large number
large numbers
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of police. Turning to the other hand of argument, one of the major
darwbacks
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drawbacks
is most
of
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apply
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people
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who are old cannot work so government has
lack
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a lack
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of workers. it makes
government
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the government
show examples
and
people
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decrease their income. Take some
undevelopement
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undeveloped
countries
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as an example, they do not have enough workers so it causes them cannot progress. Another issue is that these communities are never on the moon and
goal-oriented
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are goal-oriented
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becuase
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because
people
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that
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who
show examples
are older are less active and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not
intrested
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interested
in participating
recreational
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in recreational
show examples
activities so
ir
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it
affects other
people
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in
country
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the country
show examples
. All things considered, the growth number of old
people
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occurs
for
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in
show examples
some
countries
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. We and
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
have to weigh up the pros of
this
Linking Words
phenomenon and the cons of it. Personally,
i
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I
show examples
believe the
negative
Fix the agreement mistake
negatives
show examples
in terms of reducing
income
Add an article
the income
show examples
of
people
Use synonyms
and governments eventually outweigh any benefits.
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt. It is important to clearly state your stand on whether the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence. The ideas are disconnected and the logical flow is unclear.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. There is a need for more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors in the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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