IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Internet social media have become very popular. To what extent do you think this is a good or bad thing? Why do you think this is the case? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#topic #internet #media #case #minutes
The line graph illustrates the number of international
students
 studying at a UK university from four continents between 1995 and 2015.
Overall
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
students
 from Asia
was outnumbered
Change the verb form
has outnumbered
show examples
 its counterparts throughout the period.
While
 Asia's and Africa's figures demonstrated an upward trend, Europe's and North America's numbers fluctuated over two decades. Asian and North American
students
 experienced a significant
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 over time. The former one was 60
students
 in 1995 before escalating to over 100 individuals in 2010,
then
 reached a peak of 120
students
 in 2015.
On the other hand
, the latter group saw a fluctuation between 1995 and 2010 before inclining to approximately 70
students
 in 2015. Around 2012 to 2013
students
 from North America replaced European
students
 as second place. The remaining two student groups from overseas did not change significantly from 1995 to 2015. European
students
 fluctuated at roughly 50 to 55
students
 through the period of twenty years;
however
, African
students
 stayed constant at 20
students
 in the first decade. In 2010 they increased a peak of nearly 30
students
 before falling to their 2005 level in 2015.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the task prompt. In this essay, you have discussed the popularity of internet social media, but you have not provided a clear opinion on whether it is a good or bad thing. Remember to state your view and provide reasons to support it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and coherent. You have provided an introduction and a conclusion, and your main points are supported by relevant examples. However, you could improve the clarity of your ideas by using more transition words to connect your sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is appropriate and sufficient for the task. You have used a range of words and phrases to describe the data in the graph. To further enhance your lexical resource, try using more varied and specific vocabulary to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar. Most of your sentences are grammatically correct and you use a variety of sentence structures. However, be mindful of subject-verb agreement and watch out for run-on sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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