IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. What is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
world
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture plays
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 vital role in several aspects. Despite the agricultural technology has
obtaind
Correct your spelling
obtained
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerable improvement,
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 portion of people are still fighting to overcome their food
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss what are the causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 particular issue and
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
possible solutions to reduce the
arisen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
problem. On the one hand, considering the past decades, it can be clearly seen the enhancement of
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
show examples
 sector.
The modern
Correct article usage
Modern
show examples
 technology
inspire
Change the verb form
inspires
show examples
 to increase yield and reduce the possible disease of crops.
However
, the latest agricultural technology required a high cost for initial implementation with the
lates
Correct your spelling
latest
 knowledge.
For example
, the experts have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
developed crops which can be grown under
minimum
Add an article
the minimum
show examples
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 of
water
 and nutrients.
Accordingly
Add a comma
Accordingly,
show examples
 the
seed
Fix the agreement mistake
seeds
show examples
 of the said varieties are at
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 cost. The
countries
which are
Verb problem
that
show examples
 belong to
third
Change the article
the third
show examples
world
, are not in a position to spend and
bare
Verb problem
bear
show examples
this
enormus
Correct your spelling
enormous
 expense.
Therefore
, they always stick to conventional agricultural practices which are leading to a number of problems.
Hence
, lack of capital and knowledge are the major threats
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
hungry
Replace the word
hunger
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural resources
are not distribute
Change the verb form
are not distributed
show examples
 equally in the
world
. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
 contain rich
soil
 and
water
 sources which are essential for cultivation.
For instance
, tropical
countries
such
 as India, Sri Lanka and
Bangaladesh
Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
 have suitable
soil
,
soil
 nutrients and adequate
water
while
 African and
midleast
Correct your spelling
midlist
countries
 are suffering from
water
 sources and rich
soil
. Due
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 reason, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over production
Correct your spelling
overproduction
show examples
 can be
sharing
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
countries
 which are unable to utilize their
soil
 and
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 resources for farming.
This
 is one of
effective
Add an article
the effective
show examples
 ways to overcome the said problem.
To conclude
, there are various options
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 be provided to reduce the
agriculture related
Add a hyphen
agriculture-related
show examples
 issues.
Moreover
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
possible directions can
drive
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
 to solve
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 problem and sweep from the
world
.
Submitted by shanikamaduri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to clearly address all parts of the question in your essay. In this case, you did not fully explore the reasons for why people still go hungry despite advances in agriculture.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. In this case, the introduction and conclusion are too brief and do not effectively introduce and summarize the main points of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of phrasal verbs, idiomatic expressions, and academic vocabulary. Additionally, pay attention to word choice and use precise and appropriate language.
grammatical range
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to ensure accuracy and variety. Avoid repetitive language and errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence fragments.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: