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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

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Obesity has become a matter of concern in today's time. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 above the normal weight is increasing tremendously making them stand on the verge of contracting
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 diseases. One of the main justifications points out the availability of any commodity at the doorstep,
as well as
Linking Words
 the rising trend of
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle. Raising awareness amongst these individuals could help in tackling
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the introduction of many online applications and services has made the lives of
people
Use synonyms
 easier than ever by receiving instant delivery at the click of a button like food and groceries.
Thus
Linking Words
, making physical activity linked with
this
Linking Words
 vanish. To illustrate, after the introduction of various delivery applications, there has been a shocking 50 per cent rise in the proportions of individuals exempting themselves from physical movement.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the modern work culture requires long sitting hours on chairs.
Hence
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, indirectly
promoting
Wrong verb form
promotes
show examples
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle, which contributes to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for being overweight.
For instance
Linking Words
, more than two-thirds of the office employees come under the overweight category. It's high time to take
this
Linking Words
 matter into consideration before things go out of hand. Arranging health awareness campaigns which
describes
Change the verb form
describe
show examples
 the dreadful outcomes like diabetes, coronary artery disease and hypertension that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 tagged
along with
Linking Words
 obesity.
Along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, educating
people
Use synonyms
 on how to effectively tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue by promoting daily exercise and lifestyle modifications.
For example
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,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 NGO named "For You", has
sucessfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 helped more than 10,000
people
Use synonyms
 lose weight by campaigning and raising awareness throughout the nation.
To conclude
Linking Words
, modern resources
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made the lives of
people
Use synonyms
 effortless, making them lazier than ever,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a consequence the proportion of obese individuals
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 on the rise. It's the person's responsibility to look out for their well-being because "health is wealth", and by the use of various cost-effective programmes, they can tackle
this
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 concern.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the question prompt.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments and make your explanations more convincing.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary by using a wider range of synonyms and phrases related to the topic of obesity.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy in your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • genetics
  • nutritional awareness
  • processed foods
  • fast food
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative measures
  • tax incentives
  • urban planning
  • community gardens
  • wellness initiatives
  • dietary guidelines
  • physical fitness
  • calorie-dense
  • portion control
  • metabolic rate
  • health literacy
  • food deserts
  • work-life balance
  • junk food
  • BMI (Body Mass Index)
  • non-communicable diseases
  • food labeling
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