Some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has a damaging effect on society. While others believe that these don’t have an influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some

people

Use synonyms

opine that violent films and computer

games

Use synonyms

are severely affecting our society.

However

Linking Words

, others state that it makes no change among us. For me, I think I firmly agree with the first argument, and I will explain why in the following paragraphs. To start with, more and more

people

Use synonyms

like to play gun-shooting

games

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, some of them may become gun lovers and purchase weapons for fun.

People

Use synonyms

who have those could be very dangerous. If one day a person is out of his or her mind,

then

Linking Words

they may use tools to murder someone. It is not allowed to happen in the world.

Games

Use synonyms

providers should have to take on all the duties and responsibilities from it.

Besides

Linking Words

guns, fighting is another important factor that movies teach us to do if we can not solve problems, especially in action films.

However

Linking Words

, it is not working in the real world. You can not do things in violent ways unless you want to go to

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

jail or a hospital. Playing video

games

Use synonyms

and watching movies are for fun and reducing pressure only. You can not kill anyone in reality. We must know the difference between the virtual and the real world.

Otherwise

Linking Words

, we will make

terribly

Change the adverb

terrible

show examples

mistakes. In a nutshell, game developers and movie companies should do something to prevent violent attacks because nowadays assault cases are rising dramatically

due to

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

who can not distinguish real life. In my view, it is related to their entertainment,

such

Linking Words

as gun fighting

games

Use synonyms

, fighting, shooting, and so on. Those are controlling our thinking patterns, and those producers should have come up with a remedy for those problems.

edward300225Wed May 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and concrete evidence to support the arguments. Instead of just mentioning that people might become gun lovers, citing real-life incidents or studies would strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to sentence structure and minor grammatical errors. Improving these areas will enhance clarity and readability. For example, revise sentences like "People who have those could be very dangerous" to "People who possess such weapons could be very dangerous."

task achievement

Consider more explicitly addressing the opposing viewpoint to show a balanced perspective. Addressing counterarguments will make your essay more comprehensive and nuanced.

coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present, there should be clearer transitions between the paragraphs. Some sentences can be linked more smoothly to enhance the logical flow of the essay.

task achievement

The essay effectively states a clear position on the issue of violence in media, and you have maintained this stance throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a solid structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.

task achievement

You raise pertinent points about the potential negative impacts of violent video games and movies on society, specifically concerning gun violence and physical aggression.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pervasiveness
contentious
desensitization
aggressive behavior
outlets
correlation
causality
predictors
parental guidance
societal norms
mediate
mitigate
sociocultural context
moderating

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?
Nowadays most people are working extra hours at the cost of their mental and physical health, to make both ends meet. This is mainly attributed to the global recession noticed post-pandemic, resulting in lowered salaries and raised insecurity among workers about their job stability. This essay will further explain these reasons and discuss how nurturing a healthy work environment and an empathetic approach by organizational management can help reduce this stress among employees.
7
band
It is crucial for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as parks and squares. Do you agree or disagree?
These days, a host of individuals suppose that public venues are beneficial for the residents of any town or city. I strongly concur with this statement. This essay will articulate some reasons in the following paragraphs.
7
band
Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
In the contemporary competitive landscape, a significant number of parents impose substantial expectations on their children to perform exceptionally well academically, socially, and in their extracurricular pursuits. This essay aims to explore the factors contributing to the trend and elucidate why it constitutes a detrimental development for kids.
6
band
Write a letter to refer a friend for job in your company
I am writing to formally recommend my friend for the position of “Research Handler in Physiology of Animals” with your esteemed organization. It has been my privilege to work with “Zudio Research Group” for past 10 years.
7
band
Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.
Understanding the intricate dynamics of human behaviour, particularly those related to health choices, often unveils a paradox. Despite the evident fact that some activities are good for health and others are bad, countless individuals persistently engage in behaviours detrimental to their well-being. This phenomenon raises fundamental questions about the underlying causes and potential remedies, with implications for public health policies and individual decision-making processes.

Some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has a damaging effect on society. While others believe that these don’t have an influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?

Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?

It is crucial for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as parks and squares. Do you agree or disagree?

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Write a letter to refer a friend for job in your company

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.