Some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has a damaging effect on society. While others believe that these don’t have an influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?
Some
people
opine that violent films and computer games
are severely affecting our society. However
, others state that it makes no change among us. For me, I think I firmly agree with the first argument, and I will explain why in the following paragraphs.
To start with, more and more people
like to play gun-shooting games
. Therefore
, some of them may become gun lovers and purchase weapons for fun. People
who have those could be very dangerous. If one day a person is out of his or her mind, then
they may use tools to murder someone. It is not allowed to happen in the world. Games
providers should have to take on all the duties and responsibilities from it.
Besides
guns, fighting is another important factor that movies teach us to do if we can not solve problems, especially in action films. However
, it is not working in the real world. You can not do things in violent ways unless you want to go to a
jail or a hospital. Playing video Correct article usage
apply
games
and watching movies are for fun and reducing pressure only. You can not kill anyone in reality. We must know the difference between the virtual and the real world. Otherwise
, we will make terribly
mistakes.
In a nutshell, game developers and movie companies should do something to prevent violent attacks because nowadays assault cases are rising dramatically Change the adverb
terrible
due to
people
who can not distinguish real life. In my view, it is related to their entertainment, such
as gun fighting games
, fighting, shooting, and so on. Those are controlling our thinking patterns, and those producers should have come up with a remedy for those problems.Submitted by edward300225 on
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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and concrete evidence to support the arguments. Instead of just mentioning that people might become gun lovers, citing real-life incidents or studies would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and minor grammatical errors. Improving these areas will enhance clarity and readability. For example, revise sentences like "People who have those could be very dangerous" to "People who possess such weapons could be very dangerous."
task achievement
Consider more explicitly addressing the opposing viewpoint to show a balanced perspective. Addressing counterarguments will make your essay more comprehensive and nuanced.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, there should be clearer transitions between the paragraphs. Some sentences can be linked more smoothly to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively states a clear position on the issue of violence in media, and you have maintained this stance throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a solid structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You raise pertinent points about the potential negative impacts of violent video games and movies on society, specifically concerning gun violence and physical aggression.