IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

UNIVERSITIES SHOULD ACCEPT EQUAL NUMBERS OF MALE AND FEMALE STUDENTS IN EVERY SUBJECT . TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE ?

#universities #numbers #students
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Common sense suggests that gender equality in
enrollments
Fix the agreement mistake
enrollment
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of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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higher educational institutions is a persistent need. So what are the possible future consequences of not applying
this
Linking Words
 rule
?.
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?
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 In my opinion,
while
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of universities are mostly relying on selecting the most qualified applicants regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gender, I agree considering an equal percentage of acceptance between males and females is essential. Admittedly, if someone presented
disciplinece
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplines
 in obtaining an excellent academic record during high school studies,
then
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 they deserve to be offered a place at university regardless of their gender even if
this
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 could perform an approximate
ratios
Correct the article-noun agreement
ratio
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.
Nevertheless
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, I think that
sexes
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sex
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 imbalance can lead to numerous disadvantages which will reflect adversely on societies. When the proportion of postgraduate women outnumbered men, the chances
to
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of
show examples
 unemploy males will significantly
growth that
Correct your spelling
grow, which
 will lead to
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
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 in the educational and financial levels. Because of the educational
gab
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gap
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, higher positions will be confined to one sex.
In addition
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 to that, since the educational and financial status of individuals
are
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is
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 crucial, any lack of it can decrease the level of awareness. One of the markable consequences is poverty which leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
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in the
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 rate of crimes in
number
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a number
the number
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 of
cummunities
Correct your spelling
communities
. Take robbery and stealing as an example. When some persons fail to have their basic life needs
such
Linking Words
 as money or food, they may
turned
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turn
be turned
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 into thieves. If
Correct article usage
the crimes
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crimes
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crime
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 percentage
started
Wrong verb form
starts
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 to rise, the stability
moreover
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 safety of the population will be disturbed.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 it is difficult to pinpoint exactly which are the exact results of not accepting similar rates of both sexes in universities, I believe that strong nations will always provide fair chances for all their residents so they can contribute
in
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to
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 the development of the country.
Submitted by do7a.89 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the given prompt and provides a clear position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and coherence of the essay to make the ideas flow more smoothly.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language.
grammatical range
Work on the accuracy and complexity of sentence structures to enhance grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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