IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that public celebrations like national days and festivals are a waste of money. They are of the opinion that people should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree? Support your arguments with examples from your own experience.

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Most societies say that public bashes
such
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 as national days and
events
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 cost a lot of
money
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. Whilst, some
people
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 think that citizens should be wiser in using their
money
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. From my perspective, I believe celebrating these important
events
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 is the most pragmatic way to remember our heroes and could be an event where
people
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 can exchange their culture. National Days become a memorable celebration
that is
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 held once a year in every country. All
people
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 are gathered in one field to perform and conduct a ceremony.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, citizens are very excited to celebrate national days every year on 17 of August. Every institution raised the flags and did some
events
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such
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 as sports and dance competitions. It's a very exciting yet challenging situation where
people
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 would do everything to win.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 necessary to hold festivals once to twice a year.
Due to
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 the increase in tourism, the cultural festival is the best way to engage tourists from foreign countries. It becomes an event where
people
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 can promote their culture.
For example
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, in Makassar, Indonesia, there is a festival named F9 where there are many tourists and local
people
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round-up
Correct your spelling
round up
show examples
 in one place. The benefits are local
people
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 can sell traditional dishes and products which leads to an increase in their income. In conclusion, it is not wrong to spend
money
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 on holding festivals in every country, especially
events
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 that can increase
people
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's revenue. Even though, there are many essential matters that
people
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 can use the
money
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 for,
such
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 as donating to orphanages.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the main topic and supports the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public celebrations,
  • Foster,
  • National identity,
  • Societal bonds,
  • Cultural heritage,
  • Economic stimulus,
  • Tourism,
  • Revenue,
  • Seasonal employment,
  • Educational opportunities,
  • Tradition,
  • Mental health,
  • Well-being,
  • Misallocation of resources,
  • Public services,
  • Inclusivity,
  • Environmental impact,
  • Littering,
  • Pollution,
  • Carbon footprint,
  • Cost-effective,
  • Community-driven
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