Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Why?
There is prevailing debate about the significance of children starting primary game character CJ from GTA (Grand Theft Auto), committed crimes at
school
at early
Add an article
an early
age
. Some of them support this
idea, while
others argue that they should spend their preschool years until 6 or 7 years old. While
both arguments hold merit, I wholeheartdely
agree with the first option Correct your spelling
wholeheartedly
due to
the adoptation
and rotation into a new society.
It Correct your spelling
adaptation
adoption
as
a common Correct your spelling
is
knwoledge
that the human brain and consciousness begin to develop at an early Correct your spelling
knowledge
age
. Spending the majority of their infancy period on plays, games, cartoons and other activities, may lead to potential mental issues in the future. Because,
there are many violent advertisements or images that can appear Remove the comma
apply
while
watching cartoons or movies can disrupt children's mental health and potentially lead to trauma. For example
, in elementary school
, young mind
start to adapt Fix the agreement mistake
minds
on
a new society, Change preposition
to
they
make new friends to be precise - expand their horizons. Correct word choice
and they
However
, at home, most of the youngsters are busy with useless things.
Another reason is the opportunity for young generations to take part in public activities and learn life principles in
their juvenile Change preposition
at
age
. Young
brain - always absorbs first encountered information, which means that Correct article usage
The young
school
programs and teachers have to have an impact on it, as the future rests is
on Unnecessary verb
apply
shoulders
of the youth. Correct article usage
the shoulders
For instance
, in a recent crime report, young individuals aged 14-15, idolizingCorrect article usage
the
school
by stealing cellphones and bullying their classmates, resulting their
Change preposition
in their
explusion
from Correct your spelling
expulsion
exclusion
school
.
To sum up
, considering the development of youth's mind and consciousness, entering to
primary Change preposition
apply
school
at an early age
is paramount. As far as, in
their leisure time, engaging Change preposition
apply
Change preposition
in activites
activites
like playing videogames and other unproductive Correct your spelling
activities
activites
, may harm their future prospects.Correct your spelling
activities
Submitted by kozhantaevisa on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
You have presented both viewpoints in the introduction, which is good. However, it would be better to clearly state your own viewpoint and establish a thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is generally clear, with each paragraph focused on a specific point. However, you could strengthen the logical flow by providing more transitions and connections between the paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and fulfill their purpose, but they could be more concise and impactful. Try to provide a brief overview of the main points in the introduction and end with a strong concluding statement.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points. However, try to develop them further and provide more specific details and evidence.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints in the essay, but your own viewpoint should be clearly stated and supported throughout the essay.
lexical resource
You have used a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances where word choice could be more precise. Additionally, try to vary your sentence structures and use more complex sentence constructions.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are some errors in sentence structure and verb agreement. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb tenses.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.