IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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Some people prefer to allocate all their
time
Use synonyms
 to getting a certification from their main courses,
while
Linking Words
 some believe that learning as much knowledge as possible is better. In the next paraphrases, the opinions of both sides will be explained including my own perspective. On the
one
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 hand, there are three reasons why university
students
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 should spend more
time
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 finishing the programs they have chosen.
Firstly
Linking Words
, by specializing in
one
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 single project,
students
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 can understand the knowledge more deeply,
for example
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, there is a complete education system in the engineering program, and all the classes are specially designed for becoming engineers.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some professional skills are not easy to replace,
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and dentists, both need high-level techniques and are necessary to modern society.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
time
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 allocation may become a big problem to participate in too many lessons, to be more specific, with the limitation of school
time
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. It is more effective that
students
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 focus on
one
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 main
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people argue that the world is changing too quickly to predict what type of jobs will still exist in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, 20 years ago, people hardly
imagine
Wrong verb form
imagined
show examples
 that machines could beat humans in Chess, but Alpha Go beats several world champions nowadays.
Hence
Linking Words
 it is impossible to predict if some occupations will be replaced or not,
in other words
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, learning only
one
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 specific subject may be dangerous for
students
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' careers. In my opinion, I personally argue that exploring more possibilities is a better solution. In conclusion,
while
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 I do believe that there are some benefits in putting the best effort into getting a qualification, I personally argue that learning some additional subjects would be more helpful to the young adult's career.
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and avoid repetitive grammatical patterns.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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