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Band 4

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problem does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities
A controversial discussion point is nowadays, a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
people
 do not get in touch with their
neighbours
 and even do not know who they are.
This
 situation gradually appears more and more
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in large cities. It is vital to understand that a country where
exists
Verb problem
apply
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numerous
of
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apply
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people
 who even do not care who their
neighbours
 are or
afraid
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are afraid
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 to be disturbed usually
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 difficulties in developing countries.
This
 is because when there are too many residents
just
Correct pronoun usage
who just
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 know themselves and do not want to make new relationships, it is hard to find
linking
Change the form of the verb
links
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 between each other. The main factor of a developing country is the connection between
residence
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residences
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.
Furthermore
,
this
 issue will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the tradition and cultures. There are many traditional occasions that need friendly and warm-hearted
people
. But it can be seen that in large cities, because of the fast pace, the locals tend to live far away from each other and
this
 leads to insensitive
people
. So, on special events, it is hard to see
people
 in large cities gather together and show love to their
family's
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family
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 members.
Although
this
 problem still sees an increase in urban areas, there
are
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is
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 a lot of
family
Change to a plural noun
families
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 preserve their tradition. China is a prime example. On Tet holiday,
instead
 of working tirelessly, the locals usually spend all of their time to stay with their
family
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families
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.
This
 is not only to conserve the tradition but
also
build
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to build
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 bridges between members. Urban
people
 should be more friendly and hospitable to their
neighbours
 in order to have good relationships.
For instance
, nowadays, many teenagers are very
out-going
Correct your spelling
outgoing
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. They usually make friends with their
neighbours
 and in emergency cases, these
people
 can help them. Taking everything into account, making new relationships
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have any profound
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on
people
.
Instead
 of that, they have more benefits and the most important thing is the assistance in emergency cases.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks strong and clear arguments. The examples provided are not fully relevant to the topic and do not support the main points effectively. More specific and pertinent examples should be included to improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but the ideas are not well-developed and lack coherence. There is a need for better organization of the ideas for a more coherent and cohesive essay.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision. More varied and appropriate vocabulary should be used to convey the ideas effectively and to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including tense inconsistency, word choice, and sentence structure. A more careful proofreading and attention to grammar and sentence structure is necessary to improve the grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: