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Band 5

Today, many people don’t know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #don’t #neighbours #cities
Nowadays, there is a scenario in lots of cities
that
Correct word choice
where
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 people do not communicate with someone who
are
Change the verb form
is
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 living nearby them.
This
 essay will demonstrate the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 problem and will explain some ways to solve it. It is vital to understand that the world is living faster than in the past, the evidence is numerous residents
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a busy life and do not care
anything
Change preposition
about anything
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surround
Wrong verb form
surrounding
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 them, merely about their
work
 and their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It makes
schedule
Correct article usage
the schedule
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become
Verb problem
apply
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more difficult to go and meet someone else, just
work
 and
then
 go home and
work
 again. That circulation causes a huge gap between them and their neighbours. Citizens do not want to spend their time and pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 that they
do
Wrong verb form
did
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 not know before. In Vietnam, there used to
have
Verb problem
be
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 a situation
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 a man who lived in that place for 3 years
and
Correct word choice
apply
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he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was extremely busy,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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make
Wrong verb form
made
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 no one
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 around the place know him. The main reason for
this
 problem that the public does not know their neighbours is their busy lives. These days, individuals should
work
 hard in order to provide welfare for their families.
For example
, in a nuclear family, both men and women might have a nine-to-five job in order to earn high revenue.
On the other hand
, there are always traffic jams in metropolitans, especially in rush hours.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
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 employees are stuck in traffic and spend most of their time commuting.
As a result
, they have no energy to communicate with their neighbours on weekdays, and at the weekends they want to rest and regain their energy to start the week energetically. In conclusion, economic situations and bustling lives have caused society to have less time to know the next-door families.
on the
contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
show examples
 there are some suggested ways to rectify it,
such
 as celebrating traditional events together or allowing their children to strike a friendship.

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task response
The essay generally addresses the task, but there are some areas where improvement can be made. Try to develop your ideas more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points. Additionally, make sure to fully answer both parts of the question by discussing both the problems and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are present. However, there could be better cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure to use appropriate linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
The essay shows a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances where more precise and varied vocabulary could be used. Try to use more specific and academic words to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory control of grammatical structures. However, there are some errors in sentence structure and verb tense usage. Make sure to review these areas and practice using complex sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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