Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In the technological society, working from
home
through the Internet is more and more common in every age because of its accessibility and low prices. In my opinion, I think it brings both sides of effects to humans, and this
essay will discuss the reason.
Staying at home
for a long time
can cause to variety of serious health problems
. First of all, mental health is one of the most common problems
that people
in this
case will have. The reason is that they do not communicate or contact directly with anyone, so they can be autism
or Replace the word
autistic
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
of
Change preposition
apply
communicate
skills. Replace the word
communication
Moreover
, they can also
have some axotic
activities when they do not know how the world Correct your spelling
exotic
do
. Change the verb form
does
Finally
, when they have to go outside, they can not get on well with people
around them, and be
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
sense of isolated.
Correct your spelling
they
Although
working from home
saves a large range of time
moving, it causes of variety of health problems
. Firstly
, working online or studying at home
is the best way to arrange a time
when can do more activities than before. People
used to spend hours moving to work or study, and even that
rush hours; Correct determiner usage
apply
therefore
, if they can remove this
time
of moving, they can spend more time
doing more work such
as reading books, doing housework and so on. Additionally
, working and studying at home
is also
reasonable for people
because they do not need to take any responsibility of
transportation costs or accommodation if their offices are far from their houses. Change preposition
for
As a result
, people
save a large source of both time
and money for their life
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
although
working online helps people
save a variety of sources
, they might have more Correct your spelling
resources
problems
about
their Change preposition
with
heath
or Correct your spelling
health
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
sense of Correct article usage
a
isolated
.Replace the word
isolation
Submitted by lethigialinh77 on
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are not fully developed. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant examples to support your ideas, but they could be more specific and detailed. Try to include specific examples that further illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas in a clear and cohesive manner. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is properly linked to the previous and following paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Avoid repetition and explore different synonyms and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your grammar usage and sentence structure. There are several instances of incorrect grammar and awkward phrasing in your essay.