IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

One of the social concerns today relates to managing
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 it
commonly
Add a missing verb
is commonly
show examples
 suggested that
parents
Use synonyms
 should supervise their children's activities closely, others believe children should have more
freedom
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it is argued that adult should control their children’s activities
srictly
Correct your spelling
strictly
. The main reason is
parents
Use synonyms
 can support or help them go the right way, lead them to the true entrance and avoid
meeting
Verb problem
making
show examples
Use synonyms
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 are experienced
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
that’s
Verb problem
which
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mean
Replace the word
means
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 they are skillful and full of knowledge, they know exactly the right way
where
Rephrase
apply
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their
child
Use synonyms
 should go
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and stay away from miscalculation. It is
also
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 possible to say that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 are
such
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 a generation which easily be distracted,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who can push them back to the track. Another reason is
Add an article
a kid
the kid
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kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 who
have
Change the verb form
has
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 strict
parents
Use synonyms
 or
parents
Use synonyms
 who supervise them closely will have a high
discripline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
.
For example
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, when a
child
Use synonyms
 has
parents
Use synonyms
 who watch and advise them
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, its
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 that
child
Use synonyms
 a
discripline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
 thinking.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed by others that young people should have their own
freedom
Use synonyms
. People often have
this
Linking Words
 opinion because kids when having their own
freedom
Use synonyms
 will be more comfortable.
Imaging
Correct your spelling
Imagine
show examples
 the satisfaction you have if you don’t have to do
what ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
show examples
 people
told
Wrong verb form
tell
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 you to and can be able to construct the things you want to.
Moreover
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,
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
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 to what you dislike from
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 cause stress,
deepression
Correct your spelling
depression
 and
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 conflict so if youngster be free from
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
, these concern will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fade away. A second point is some
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 are afraid of letting
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 make a
mistake
Use synonyms
, in fact making
Use synonyms
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 is beneficial for
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 to learn from
those fault
Change the determiner
that fault
those faults
show examples
. A particularly good example here is
according to
Linking Words
 a toddler, when they
toddling
Wrong verb form
toddle
show examples
 by their foot they usually make some
Use synonyms
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 and fall but that
fail
Replace the word
failure
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 situation will teach them how to stand up and keep going. Likely to a teen, it is not that bad to fail, a free kid will be able to manage that problem and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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overcome
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 their
way
Correct word choice
own way
show examples
. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that
parents
Use synonyms
 should control their kids attentively ; meanwhile, others assume that
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 must be able to own their life. Personally, I tend to believe that the youth had better have
prossession
Correct your spelling
possession
 of
freedom
Use synonyms
 in their life.

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task achievement
Develop your ideas further and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more clearly and using appropriate linking devices.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and make sure to use a variety of complex and compound sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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