IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Large businesses have big budget for marketing and promotion and the result people grave gravitate towards buying the products. What problem does this course? What could be done to encourage people to buy local product?

Nowadays, customers have the right to shop everywhere, whether in supermarkets, local shops, or online. With the prices of basic
products
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 rising significantly, every penny counts.
For
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this
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 reason,
people
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 often choose to shop in supermarkets, where they have unlimited access to
products
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 from around the world at reasonable prices. Supermarkets buy
products
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 in large quantities, allowing them to negotiate with businesses and sell goods at lower prices. Unfortunately, local companies don’t have these privileges. So, what can be done to promote and encourage
people
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 to buy local goods? One solution to
this
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 problem could be advertising in every possible way. Local newspapers should take an active role, and smarter social media strategies are essential to help encourage
people
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 to buy local
products
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. If
people
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 can see the true value of local
products
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 and what these businesses bring to their community, the choice will become obvious to them. First of all, local production creates more jobs and opportunities for
people
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 in the area.
Secondly
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, local
products
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 are often fresher, healthier, and more eco-friendly because they do not require as many chemicals for preservation during transportation.
Additionally
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, fairs are an excellent place to promote regional goods and have brought communities together for many years.
For
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this
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 reason, fairs are a good starting point to convince the community that buying
products
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 from nearby sources is the way to support each other. In conclusion, if the community understands the importance of helping local businesses grow rather than
prioritizing
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prioritising
show examples
 savings,
then
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 we will succeed in supporting our local economy.

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Task Response
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and the problem, but it could be more engaging. Try to start with a strong statement or question that grabs the reader's attention.
Task Response
Your body paragraphs are well-structured with clear main ideas. However, ensure that each point is expanded with more examples or explanations to make them stronger.
Task Response
You have provided a clear conclusion, but you might want to restate why supporting local businesses is crucial in a more compelling way.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all points you mention in the body paragraphs flow neatly into each other. Use linking words to improve the transition between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more varied vocabulary to make your writing more interesting. Avoid repeating the same words too often (like 'local').
Task Achievement
You provide good reasons for encouraging local shopping, showing clear understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a good structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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