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Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
Crime has become a topic of concern
nowaday's
Change the noun form
nowadays
nowaday
show examples
. Most individuals believe that the most effective method to curb nefarious
acts
 is to sentence longer years
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prison,
whereas
 others vocalise by adopting different ways to reduce it to a minimum. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss the above-stated notions in detail and will explain why I opine that rehabilitation techniques are the better choice.
To begin
 with, sentencing longer years into prison will eventually promote criminal activity to a
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 extent. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 passing an indefinite time inside the jails would make them extremely dangerous for the community as they hold a lot of anger and vengeance inside themselves.
For instance
, more than
two-thrids
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
show examples
 of the prisoners with long terms went back to committing illegal
acts
 as soon as they got out.
Hence
,
this
 would make things even harder for the society.
On the other hand
, to curb illegal
acts
 alternate methods like rehabilitation techniques and behavioural therapy can tremendously help in finding the main reason behind
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
such
henious
Correct your spelling
heinous
acts
 and
also
 help them in solving it.
For example
, after the implementation of mandatory behavioural therapy, there has been a sharp decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime rates by 50 per cent.
To conclude
, crime is an ever-growing problem, more and more individuals will continue to commit nefarious
acts
 and continue to pose a threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It's the government's responsibility to consider giving behavioural therapy to every prisoner and give them a chance to reduce their sentences before sending them to jail for
indefinite
Add an article
an indefinite
show examples
 period.
Submitted by mrigankingley2099 on

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task response
Ensure that each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic and provides relevant examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and some parts may be unclear or illogical. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied lexical choices to express your ideas. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and be cautious of grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use varied sentence beginnings to avoid monotony.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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