IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The amount of time spent on traveling to work has significantly increased in the past few decades. Discuss the causes and effects of this situation, and provide possible solutions.

#amount #time #work #decades #effects #situation
Nowadays, many people spend more life to way for going to job than past because of so many issues,
such
 as unemployment, traffic jams and environmental problems.
In contrast
, there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 some beneficial effects of
this
. First of all, there are a lot of aspects of spending more
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
travel
Correct your spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work. Most of all workspaces,
factories
Correct word choice
and factories
show examples
 now
building
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 and suburbs.
As a result
, many workers need more
time
 to do their job. But
this
 is the best structure of a modern city and useful for almost all human society.
For instance
, If factories are placed far from cities, it will help to solve air pollution problems.
Additionally
, People spend more calories
to go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 for long distances and it may help to
solver overweighting
Replace the word
solve overweight
show examples
 problems.
Furthermore
, many of the inheritance works in the suburbs, so there will not be any traffic jams in peak times.
On the other hand
, in
this
 modern world,
time
 is a very expensive thing and you can not buy it. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Every people should spend more
time
 with their family and friends than at work. But these days, there is a global problem with unemployment. So, if you are not professional, You may spend your main
time
 travelling to the work or suburbs. In conclusion, a possible solution for
this
 situation is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 you must be professional in your special and need to increase your skills. From the government side, If they build
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast traffic systems
such
 as
metrobus
Change the capitalization
Metrobus
metro bus
show examples
, tramway... etc or special accommodations for workers and their families, Workers will spend few
time
 going to their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Submitted by elbekgulomov0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to address all aspects of the task prompt in your essay. You mentioned some causes and effects of increased travel time, but you did not discuss possible solutions in detail.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks logical structure. The ideas are scattered and not clearly connected. Use paragraphs and appropriate linking words to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied word choices to enhance your essay. You repeated certain words and phrases throughout the essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. There are some errors and awkward phrasing in your essay. Review grammar rules and practice constructing sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: