IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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in some countries bully is one of the
issue
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issues
show examples
 in schools, which has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 students maybe is because of
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 family backgrounds
also
Linking Words
 relating to mental
issue
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issues
show examples
,
i
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I
show examples
 believe that we can sort
out
Correct pronoun usage
this out
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 by providing some rules
as well as
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 encouraging them to work on themselves to be better , we have a number of causes of
bulling
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bullying
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 but
i
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I
show examples
 would like to talk about two of them once is refers to
genetic
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Genetics
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 that has a big role
on
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in
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 children's performances , if they have a bad family or toxic friends who they are all angry or
aggresive
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aggressive
be sure they express
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 feeling by fighting with others ,
on the other hand
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 , some of them have
a mental tensions
Correct the article-noun agreement
mental tension
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 that they can not talk about it .
for instance
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 ,
accourding
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according
 to some
researchs
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research
researches
 that doing work on
children
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children's
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 behaviours they find out a majority of
aggressive
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the aggressive
an aggressive
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child
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children
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 come from a big family who
egnore
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ignore
ignored
 them. despite
of
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 , every
problems
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problem
show examples
 have a
Correct your spelling
solution
solutions
soulutions
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solution
,even if it is so hard to
resalution
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resolution
 , one of the
remedy
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remedies
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 can be giving them some rules that
relating
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relate
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 to punishment if they do or do not ,
although
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 we need to tell them consistently about
forbbidn
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forbidden
 things ,
for instance
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Add the comma(s)
,
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my school had a rule about fighting if someone
involve
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involves
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 that kind of things we
loss
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lose
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 our score eventually we tried to avoid against .futhermore
instractors
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instructors
 have a quite
responsblity
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responsibility
 about teach them how they can be a good member in our
sociaty
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society
 by working on themselves
instead
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 of using social media , in
conclution
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conclusion
,
adolecents sometims
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adolescents sometimes
 do
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 work angrlily because of
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Use synonyms
 parents
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
unhealthy mental ,in order to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 our society we have to
mindful
Add a missing verb
be mindful
show examples
 of them by motivating them to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not do somethings unusual
Correct word choice
and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 helping them to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
focus on
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life.

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Task Response
Clearly state your opinion on the causes of bullying and the solutions you suggest. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and provide a clear structure to your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to the organization and coherence of your essay. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion, and use transition words to connect your ideas throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express your ideas. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
Grammatical Range
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy. Review the use of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bullying
  • imbalance of power
  • empathy
  • understanding
  • media
  • social norms
  • policies
  • consequences
  • education
  • awareness
  • promote
  • kindness
  • parents
  • community
  • safe
  • supportive
What to do next:
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