IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that giving driver licenses for vehicles like cars or motorbikes to
people
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 later than now will help to decrease the number of
accidents
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 on the roads. Many
people
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 believe that teenagers are not responsible enough to
drive
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 as they
drive
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 too fast.
However
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, adults
drive
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 irresponsibly as well. I completely disagree with it as many
accidents
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 happen
due to
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 using smartphones and other devices during driving and drug or
alcohol
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 addictions.
People
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 use electronic devices like smartphones
while
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 they are driving at any
age
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. It could be business calls or personal conversations between different
people
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. For those who
drive
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 a lot, it seems convenient to use
this
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 time to connect with others. Sitting in the car in busy traffic is a good time for many
people
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 to check the news or social media as well.
For instance
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, one out of every four car
accidents
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 in the US is caused by texting
while
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 driving, and these are not at the minimum legal
age
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 for driving.
Moreover
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, driving under drugs or
alcohol
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 is
also
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 not inherent to
people
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 at any specific
age
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. No matter how old they are they could
drive
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 vehicles being addicted
due to
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this
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 problem existing for men and women from different
age
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 groups, not only the youngest.
For example
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, the study of the US road safety regulator can be used, which shows that more than half the
people
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 injured or killed in car crashes had drugs or
alcohol
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 in their bloodstream. It is not possible that all of them were at a young
age
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. In conclusion, increasing the minimum legal
age
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 for driving will not help to improve road safety because
this
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age
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 is not the main cause of road
accidents
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, compared with using electronic devices and drug or
alcohol
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 addiction.

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task response
Ensure a more balanced argument by acknowledging potential counterarguments and addressing them.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion adequately summarize the main points.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource. Use more precise and sophisticated language where appropriate.
grammatical range
Work on incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and grammatical forms. Also, pay attention to punctuation and sentence structure to ensure accuracy and clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • cognitive skills
  • decision-making abilities
  • comprehensive driver education
  • unlicensed driving
  • economic implications
  • mobility
  • stricter enforcement
  • traffic laws
  • driver education
  • road accidents
  • mature and responsible
  • illegal driving
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