IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the global sales of different types of digital games from 2000 to 2006.

The chart below shows the global sales of different types of digital games from 2000 to 2006.
The chart given below represents the global
sales
Use synonyms
 of
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
games
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2006. Undoubtedly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Handheld
games
Use synonyms
 dominated the market over these years,
whereas
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
 of Online
games
Use synonyms
 increased rapidly from $0
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to $8
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
Sales
Use synonyms
 of Console
games
Use synonyms
 witnessed drastic changes as their
sales
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 from around $6
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to $3
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2006. Mobile
game’s
Change noun form
game
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 showed a constant growth from Nill in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000 to more than $6
billion
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006,
whereas
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of handheld
games
Use synonyms
 increased exponentially from $11
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to around $18
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2006. Comparing Mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 and Online
games
Use synonyms
,
sales
Use synonyms
 of mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 started
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2001
while
Linking Words
sales
Use synonyms
 of online
games
Use synonyms
 started from
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2002. In the
year
Use synonyms
 2004,
sales
Use synonyms
 of both mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 online
games
Use synonyms
 was equal
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 $4
billion
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the craze of
games
Use synonyms
 showed
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exponential growth from 2000 to 2006 from a market size of $17
billion
Use synonyms
 to $36
billion
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games, billion, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: