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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#effects #drug #people #society #recommendations #fight #youth #abuse
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Society's vices are always sophisticated problems. Especially, among young people who often are attracted by experienced new things
such
Linking Words
 as
drugs
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon can arise from the lack of taking care from their family, to reduce stress or to fit in with their peers. These purposes can lead to negative effects on themselves and the public
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
.
This
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 essay is going to detail these causes and effects and some recommendations to address youth
drug
Use synonyms
abuse
Use synonyms
. Young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 nowadays are easily related to isolated situations. They can
have feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 that they must face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their issues independently because of busy parents.
In addition
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, the amount of knowledge in schools
also
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increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
 on
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation. Meanwhile,
drugs
Use synonyms
 can make them
forgetting
Wrong verb form
forget
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 everything or
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 better
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a period of time.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
abuse
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 growing recently.
Paralell
Correct your spelling
Parallel
 to the widespread
drug
Use synonyms
 is a number of problems. Young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 can not be abled to buy
drugs
Use synonyms
 by themselves because they still depend on their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they can gain money in negative ways, even in violated regulation methods. Another effect is the adverse
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on their health. All
drugs
Use synonyms
made
Add a missing verb
are made
show examples
 from toxic sources.
Consequently
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, using
without
Correct pronoun usage
it without
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 knowledge can lead to huge problems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 health
such
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 as mental diseases or heart diseases. To resolve
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 issues, there should be
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
corporation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
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 between the family and the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
.
First,
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parents need to pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their children. They should find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance between family and work. Their babies
reserve
Correct your spelling
deserve
show examples
 to have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 time to take care of them and support them to delete their concerns.
Second,
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the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must control
strickly
Correct your spelling
strictly
show examples
 their related regulations and adjust when finding the necessary to ensure suitable rules.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
abuse
Use synonyms
 can not be widespread. In conclusion, family and
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 tress can be the causes of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
Use synonyms
abuse
Use synonyms
, which can lead to violation
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 laws or diseases.
Accordingly
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, we should apply
strength
Replace the word
strong
show examples
 methods from both family and government to reduce
these problem
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 and protect our young generation.
Submitted by huong.bx on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structures and grammar.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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