Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a ‘gap year’, before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some young individuals have set their
mind
on spending a gap Fix the agreement mistake
minds
year
before continuing their further
education or career while
believing that it would extend their understanding of the world. However
other youngsters view it as a distraction and is simply a waste of time. Nevertheless
, in this
essay, I will discuss both debates and conclude with my own personal opinion.
The debate has arisen as to whether a gap year
is in fact beneficial. One of many reasons why students want to spend a gap year
is to find their identity by travelling alone in a new environment. For instance
, living alone requires youngsters to make decisions that they don't usually have to deal with by themselves. For
this
reason, most young adults that
spend a Correct pronoun usage
who
year
period exploring the world would develop confidence in decision-making and how to deal with problems alone.
However
, it is undeniable that a year
is a long time. Students can get too comfortable after not being in an organised environment for too long. Another key point is that, while
gaining more worldly experiences, they could be wasting opportunities as well. In addition
, most students struggle to fit in with their peers after finishing their expedition. Considering that their friends have already continued their further
education or have already started their career
.
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
To conclude
, in my opinion, despite various
advantages brought about by going on a one-Correct article usage
the various
year
expedition, I believe too many opportunities would go to waste. Such
as, offers from universities and work.Submitted by Samara.302823 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure; however, the logical connectors and transitions could be strengthened. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the essay topic is addressed; nevertheless, the conclusion could benefit from a more thorough evaluation of the discussed viewpoints before presenting the final opinion to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but further elaboration and more detailed examples would strengthen the argument. Aim to develop each point with more depth.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompts, but you may want to explore and exemplify both views with the same depth. Be careful not to favor one side significantly over the other without justification.
task achievement
Ideas are relatively clear and the response is complete, but you should work on developing a more comprehensive coverage of the topic. Avoid generalizations and provide more nuanced arguments.
task achievement
The essay lacks concrete, relevant examples to illustrate points. Include specific, detailed examples to back up assertions and provide a richer response.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.