Social media has become a real problem for young people today, and governments should create law that allow only people over 18 years of age to have accounts. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Social

media

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platforms have become integral to the lives of young people.

While

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there are concerns about their impact, I firmly oppose the idea of implementing laws that restrict social

media

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access to

individuals

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above 18 years of age.

This

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is because

such

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restrictions could hinder the development of essential soft skills in young

individuals

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such

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as creativity, and limit their access to vital news sources.

To begin

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with, fostering relationships in the workplace can act as a significant stress reliever, particularly in the face of heavy workloads. Frequent light-hearted interactions with colleagues provide

individuals

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with an opportunity to momentarily escape the stresses associated with their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

This

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boost in morale enhances the

overall

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mood and motivation of employees, leading to better performance and well-being. By maintaining positive relations with peers, employees are not only more productive, but they

also

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become more content, resulting in improved output and a positive impact on both the individual and the employer.

Furthermore

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, social

media

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serves as a crucial source of news and information for young people. Limiting their access to

this

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platform could hinder their awareness of current affairs and social issues. The ability to stay informed about local and global events is essential for the younger generation to develop a sense of responsibility towards their society and nation.

For instance

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, when a natural disaster occurs in a specific city, young

individuals

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often learn about it through social

media

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This

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awareness leads them to organize charity events and actively contribute to relief efforts,

thus

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shaping a generation

that is

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not only aware of ongoing issues but

also

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willing to make a real impact. In conclusion,

while

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concerns exist regarding the effects of social

media

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on young

individuals

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, imposing restrictions on its use may not be the best approach.

Such

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measures could limit the development of essential soft skills and diminish the awareness of current events among the youth.

Instead

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, it is essential for parents and guardians to continuously monitor and guide young people in their social

media

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usage to ensure a balanced approach.

elroivan

Nov 7, 2023

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Task Response

The essay presents arguments in favor of one side but fails to fully develop these arguments. This is reflected in the logical structure score (4/9), which indicates a lack of clear progression in ideas. Moreover, the introduction and conclusion are not clearly delineated, resulting in a lower score of 3/9. Consider structuring your essay with a clear introductory paragraph outlining the main arguments and a conclusion that summarizes the key points and restates your position. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea and develop it fully. Provide concrete examples to support your arguments, which in this case, were somewhat vague or generalized, scoring 3/9 on relevant specific examples. The task achievement criteria indicated that while the response was somewhat complete and ideas were clear, the response lacked comprehensive development of these ideas, scoring 5/9 for both 'complete response' and 'clear comprehensive ideas'. To improve, offer a more balanced view on the topic by discussing potential drawbacks of unrestricted social media use for young people. This could help to enhance the depth of your argument, making for a more fully realized response.

Coherence and Cohesion

The arguments provided in the essay lack clear logical connectors and cohesive devices, leading to fragmentation in the flow of information. This affects the logical structure of the argument, which is crucial in providing a coherent essay. To enhance coherence and cohesion, make use of cohesive devices such as 'however', 'furthermore', or 'therefore' to create clear connections between your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that is then elaborated upon with specific details and linked back to the main argument of the essay. The provided essay also has an issue with paragraphing and organization. The introduction and conclusion are not explicitly separated from the body paragraphs, which impacts the coherence and structure. Additionally, the main points ought to be well-supported and distinct for each paragraph, which the essay lacks.

Lexical Resource

The lexical resource, which refers to the range and accuracy of the vocabulary used, was not evaluated in this review. For future submissions, ensure to employ a range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately, avoiding repetition and demonstrating control over lexical features.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Grammatical range and accuracy were not assessed in this review. However, for future submissions, be mindful of using a variety of sentence structures, correct punctuation, and accurate grammar to convey your ideas clearly and effectively. Complex sentences and proper use of tenses will be central to achieving a higher score in this criterion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

mental health
unrealistic expectations
cyberbullying
maturity
long-term consequences
inappropriate content
predatory individuals
age restrictions
misrepresent
supportive communities
educational resources
technological literacy
digital citizenship

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Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Since it is so easy to reach a large audience on the Internet, people have to be exceptionally talented to become famous these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree?