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Band 5.5

Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

#machines #jobs #humans
. Artificial intelligence impacts hugely on
people
 right now.
Robots
 and computers are taking over more and more work, which was earlier made by mankind. In
this
 essay, I will examine the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 statement and provide my opinion. On the one hand, replacing humans with pieces of equipment has several benefits.
Robots
 can work without breaks and do their tasks properly.
For instance
, in China, factory workers utilize automatons to increase the quality of goods, and
robots
 produce more goods for customers than
people
 do.
Additionally
, engines cannot make mistakes, which surely guarantees the safety and reliability of commodities.
Thus
, the company saves a lot of money and manufactures wares of higher quality. .
On the other hand
, the unemployment of nations is rising every day.
Therefore
, some spheres of professions have become irrelevant, and
that is
 why some folks lose their qualification.
Moreover
,
robots
 cannot be made without humans and do not have any creativity. To give a clear example, home cleaners are substituted by robot vacuum cleaners, and drivers are displaced by electric cars. So
people
 have to change their occupation and get another higher degree, which leads negatively to their budget and their state of life.
To sum up
,
although
 there are benefits of using machines
such
 as the growth of goods’ quality and
Correct article usage
the creating
show examples
creating
Replace the word
creation
show examples
wares
Change preposition
of wares
show examples
quickly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, it
also
 has a high number of drawbacks.
Hence
, I believe that replacing
people
 with pieces of equipment is disadvantageous as many humans struggle because of these circumstances.
Submitted by aibiikenurlanova414 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure could be improved by creating a more distinct separation between introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions. Paragraphing inaccurately portrays the logical flow of the argument.
Task Achievement
Task achievement is only partially satisfied. The essay introduces the topic and provides some advantages and disadvantages, but the depth of explanation and development of ideas is lacking. Moreover, the personal opinion is stated, though it could be better supported and more integrated throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
The lexical range is limited; more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures could be employed to better express nuances and complexity of ideas. Avoid repetition of words and phrases to enhance the overall readability of the essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors present. To improve your grammatical range, focus on correct verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Consistent accuracy is needed for a higher band score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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