IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. Has this been a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #development
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Technology
advancement
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advancements
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 have increased over the years.
This
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 discovery
have
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has
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 many advantages for human survival. With the
internet
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,
people
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 can connect with anyone, anytime,
anyplaces
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any place
 by capitalyze on
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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. In the lines that follow,
this
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 essay will analyze both of these
point
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points
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 of
views
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view
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 before presenting
author's
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the author's
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 perspective. There are many positive
development
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developments
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 for
people
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 to operate the
internet
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. The
internet
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increases connectivity between
people
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 who are far apart.
This
Linking Words
 technology
are enhances
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enhances
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 communication to give important
information
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.
For instance
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,
the
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in the
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 old days we
need
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needed
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 a postman to give
information
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between
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to
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people
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,
while
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in
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apply
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these days we can use messenger to communicate. Other than that,
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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 has
giving
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given
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 unlimited access to
information
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.
People
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 do not need to buy
a newspapers
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newspapers
a newspaper
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 to read
information
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. With mobile
phone
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phones
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, we can open a
lot
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lot of
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information
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 on
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Internet
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the Internet
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.
Besides
Linking Words
the
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its
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 usefulness, there are many disadvantages
with
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to
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 the
Internet
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. Study case states
people
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 are highly
dependants
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dependent
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 on technology, especially students.
In other words
Linking Words
, students are more
realiance
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reliance
reliant
 on
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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,
besides
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 reading a book.
This
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 negative development can make
student
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students
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 lazy to read. Other than that, modern technologies have changed our lifestyles in many aspects. For
instances
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instance
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,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreases face-to-face interaction. Neighbours will become
stranger
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strangers
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due to
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 the lack of human interactions. In conclusion, even if both sides have a lot to say, I think
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 may only be used for certain
people
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. The most important
think
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thing
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, in my opinion, is to
selecting
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select
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 the usage of
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, so it can
decreased
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decrease
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 the negative development.
Submitted by hwidyadana on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some ability to organize ideas logically, but transitions between points could be smoother and paragraph division should be clearer. Consider using more cohesive devices and clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete but lacks depth in ideas and elaboration. To improve, ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed with more developed arguments and a clear position throughout the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interact
  • changed
  • technology
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • connectivity
  • access to information
  • enhanced communication
  • face-to-face interaction
  • reliance on technology
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