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Band 4

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. Has this been a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #development
Technology
advancement
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advancements
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 have increased over the years.
This
 discovery
have
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has
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 many advantages for human survival. With the
internet
,
people
 can connect with anyone, anytime,
anyplaces
Correct your spelling
any place
 by capitalyze on
internet
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the internet
show examples
. In the lines that follow,
this
 essay will analyze both of these
point
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points
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 of
views
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view
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 before presenting
author's
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the author's
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 perspective. There are many positive
development
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developments
show examples
 for
people
 to operate the
internet
. The
internet
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increases connectivity between
people
 who are far apart.
This
 technology
are enhances
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enhances
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 communication to give important
information
.
For instance
,
the
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in the
show examples
 old days we
need
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needed
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 a postman to give
information
between
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to
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people
,
while
in
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apply
show examples
these days we can use messenger to communicate. Other than that,
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 has
giving
Wrong verb form
given
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 unlimited access to
information
.
People
 do not need to buy
a newspapers
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newspapers
a newspaper
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 to read
information
. With mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
, we can open a
lot
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lot of
show examples
information
 on
Internet
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the Internet
show examples
.
Besides
the
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its
show examples
 usefulness, there are many disadvantages
with
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to
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 the
Internet
. Study case states
people
 are highly
dependants
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dependent
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 on technology, especially students.
In other words
, students are more
realiance
Correct your spelling
reliance
reliant
 on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
,
besides
 reading a book.
This
 negative development can make
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 lazy to read. Other than that, modern technologies have changed our lifestyles in many aspects. For
instances
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instance
show examples
,
internet
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the internet
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreases face-to-face interaction. Neighbours will become
stranger
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strangers
show examples
due to
 the lack of human interactions. In conclusion, even if both sides have a lot to say, I think
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 may only be used for certain
people
. The most important
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
, in my opinion, is to
selecting
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select
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 the usage of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, so it can
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
show examples
 the negative development.
Submitted by hwidyadana on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some ability to organize ideas logically, but transitions between points could be smoother and paragraph division should be clearer. Consider using more cohesive devices and clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete but lacks depth in ideas and elaboration. To improve, ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed with more developed arguments and a clear position throughout the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interact
  • changed
  • technology
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • connectivity
  • access to information
  • enhanced communication
  • face-to-face interaction
  • reliance on technology
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