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Band 4

Some people view teenager conflicts with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whist others see it something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #teenager #conflicts #parents #part #whist
Some people believe that
conflicts
 between
parents
 and
children
 are essential in
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 growth development,
while
 others insist that
conflicts
 between them are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their relationship.
This
 essay strongly agrees with the statement
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the former position and explains why
conflicts
 between them play a crucial role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth.
Conflicts
 between
parents
 and
children
 should be avoided because there is a
way
 to communicate. If
parents
 understand their
childs’
Change noun form
child’s
show examples
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 and spend enough time to communicate,
then
children
 will listen to
parents
’ words with respect.
For instance
, many experts
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education insist that
conflicts
determinate
Replace the word
determine
show examples
 the circumstances and can be the one
way
 to ruin their relationships. Even if I partly acknowledge
this
 point of view, I still consider struggles with them
aren’t
Verb problem
as not
show examples
 the things that people can avoid. First of all, I consider conflict
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 can be the one
way
 of self-exposure of
children
. To grow
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right path,
children
 must expose their thinking and feelings to their
parents
. Because
children
 are the
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
 of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, they must choose their own
way
.
However
, if they listen only
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
parents
’ words, they will regret
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it in the future.
For example
, when I had a chance to choose my university, I just followed my
parents
’ choice because I just
don’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t
show examples
 want to have a conflict with them. And now I regret my decision because I know well about
me
Correct pronoun usage
myself
show examples
 than my
parents
.
Moreover
,
parents
 and
children
 are in different
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
, which means because their environment of growth is not exactly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
, their thinking can’t be
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 always. In conclusion, even if
conflicts
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
children
 and
parents
 can break the relationships, it is essential for several reasons.
Children
 can expose their thinking by
conflicts
 and they are the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who can make the proper choice for them.
Moreover
, they lived in different
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 thinking
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can’t
Wrong verb form
couldn’t
show examples
 be
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 exactly, which follows
conflicts
.
Submitted by soyuyu9 on

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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure a clear logical structure in your essay. While your introduction and conclusion are present, the overall logic could benefit from clearer paragraphing and more explicit linking between main ideas.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, but more balance is needed in discussing both views before giving your own opinion. Ensure you dedicate equal attention to both perspectives and provide a distinct paragraph for your opinion.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. You offered a personal anecdote about choosing a university, which is good, but more varied illustrations of your arguments would enhance the essay's effectiveness.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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