IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The end of the world's fossil fuel resources and the subsequent changes will be a positive development in society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience!

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that the end of the world’s fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 and the subsequent changes can lead to a positive development in society. I firmly agree with the notion. It is because I believe that a change in fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 can lead to good improvement regarding
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and critical thinking in society. With regards to the
health
Use synonyms
 field, if fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 gone it will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive effect related to
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because
usually
Rephrase
apply
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 use fossil
Use synonyms
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 to drive
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and cook. They might be unconscious that
this
Linking Words
condition
Use synonyms
 can lead to bad quality in
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
. So, if there is no fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
 many people will change it to another option.
For example
Linking Words
, people can use bioethanol as one of the
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
 to change the fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
. As bioethanol
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 produced by plant processing, it will be more friendly to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. So,
this
Linking Words
condition
Use synonyms
 can improve the
health
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society because there is no bad effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the air quality.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if there is no fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
 anymore,
this
Linking Words
condition
Use synonyms
 will push many people to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creative
thinker
Fix the agreement mistake
thinkers
show examples
 to find
another
Replace the adjective
another resource
other resources
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
. It is because a resource has an important role in daily life. In conclusion, even though fossil
fuels
Change the noun form
fuel
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
 will be gone from the world, it is not considered as a bad omen.
Conversely
Linking Words
, it will bring positive effects related to
health
Use synonyms
 and critical thinking among the citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear paragraphing, and the ideas presented are not always logically connected or sufficiently developed. Make sure to structure your essay with clear introductory, body, and concluding paragraphs and ensure ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
The response strays from the prompt at times and does not fully elaborate on the reasoning or provide extensive examples to support the claims. To improve, address the prompt directly, ensure that your arguments are relevant and detailed, and enrich your essay with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: