IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The end of the world's fossil fuel resources and the subsequent changes will be a positive development in society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience! Write at least 250 words!

#world #fuel #resources #changes #development #society
It is argued that the end of the world’s fossil
fuel
resources
 and the subsequent changes can lead to a positive development in society. I firmly agree with the notion. It is because I believe that a change in fossil
fuel
resources
 can lead to good improvement regarding
health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and critical thinking in society. With regards to the
health
 field, if fossil
fuel
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 gone it will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive effect related to
health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because
usually
Rephrase
apply
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 use fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 to drive
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and cook. They might be unconscious that
this
condition
 can lead to bad quality in
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
. So, if there is no fossil
fuel
 many people will change it to another option.
For example
, people can use bioethanol as one of the
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
 to change the fossil
fuel
. As bioethanol
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 produced by plant processing, it will be more friendly to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. So,
this
condition
 can improve the
health
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society because there is no bad effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the air quality.
Moreover
, if there is no fossil
fuel
 anymore,
this
condition
 will push many people to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creative
thinker
Fix the agreement mistake
thinkers
show examples
 to find
another
Replace the adjective
another resource
other resources
show examples
resources
. It is because a resource has an important role in daily life. In conclusion, even though fossil
fuels
Change the noun form
fuel
show examples
resources
 will be gone from the world, it is not considered as a bad omen.
Conversely
, it will bring positive effects related to
health
 and critical thinking among the citizens.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear paragraphing, and the ideas presented are not always logically connected or sufficiently developed. Make sure to structure your essay with clear introductory, body, and concluding paragraphs and ensure ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
The response strays from the prompt at times and does not fully elaborate on the reasoning or provide extensive examples to support the claims. To improve, address the prompt directly, ensure that your arguments are relevant and detailed, and enrich your essay with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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