IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe citizens should be allowed to carry handguns in order to protect themthelves, while others think this can lead to many social security problems in the society. What is your opinion? Use specific rsasons to support your answer.

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These days, there are a
surprisingly
Change the word
surprising
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 amount of inhabitants who think that to be
an
Correct article usage
the
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 owner of a gun
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
safiter
Correct your spelling
safer
 than to
don't
Verb problem
not
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 have any. In my humble opinion a world without arms it’s a way long a better place and
also
Linking Words
 out of danger.
Therefore
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, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I am going to discuss why I
am
Verb problem
apply
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completely
disagreeing
Wrong verb form
disagree
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 with
people
Change noun form
people's
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pro-guns’
Change noun form
pro-guns
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statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
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.
Firstly
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, if governments don’t allow the property of handguns it is going to turn complicated to access one which is going to give security to the entire population.
For example
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, in the United States of
America
Add a comma
America,
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 it is legal the
sale
Replace the word
sell
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of
Change preposition
apply
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weapons,
this
Linking Words
 right opens
this
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 market to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of people with a variety of intentions.
As a result
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is going to
have
Verb problem
be
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 an increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 delinquency.
Moreover
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,
this
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 is going to have repercussions
in
Change preposition
on
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 the quality of life
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Secondly
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, the facilities to get
handgun
Add an article
a handgun
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 in some countries, especially in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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, has led to armed attacks in schools, which is nuts. As a foreseeing
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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, schools need an attack protocol, just as teachers have to be specially prepared to know how to act in case of assault.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the mental health of children, parents,
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 stressful in a way that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is not necessary for me. In conclusion,
allowed
Wrong verb form
allowing
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 the sale of weapons
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has
horrible
Add an article
a horrible
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 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mental health,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 quality of life in communities.
However
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, I understand that in these countries people buy weapons to stay
safety
Replace the word
safe
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.
Nevertheless
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, the solution it’s that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 banned
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 sale of
handgun
Fix the agreement mistake
handguns
show examples
.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion on the topic. However, there is a need for more comprehensive development of ideas and relevant examples to support the opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is weak. There is a lack of clear introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the essay does not progress logically from one idea to the next, which affects the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Second Amendment
  • right to bear arms
  • self-protection
  • concealed carry
  • civil rights
  • gun control legislation
  • public safety
  • firearm regulations
  • background checks
  • concealed handgun permits
  • stand-your-ground laws
  • accidental discharge
  • gun violence
  • crime deterrence
  • escalation of conflict
  • law enforcement challenges
  • responsible ownership
  • community safety initiatives
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