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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below illustrate degrees granted in different sectors at the National University in the 1990, 2000, and 2010.

The pie charts below illustrate degrees granted in different sectors at the National University in the 1990, 2000, and 2010.
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The given graphs provide information about the percentage of academic
title
Fix the agreement mistake
titles
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 in distinct
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 towards National
University
Fix the agreement mistake
Universities
show examples
 in the years 1990, 2000, and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
 science was the largest segment that increased over the years, in comparison,
Business
Add an article
the Business
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 segment had a dip throughout the decades. At the beginning of the period, in 1990,
Computer
Use synonyms
 Science succeeded
gain
Wrong verb form
in gaining
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 a number of scholars than others
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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. In the first decade
Computer
Use synonyms
 Sciences and Medicine experienced growth pretty much higher than the growth in the second decade,
however
Linking Words
,
Computer
Use synonyms
 Science contributed the most to the granted rate. In comparison, between 1990 and 2000, the two
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
degrees which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 Business and Law
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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 significantly,
however
Linking Words
, Law
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
in
Change preposition
by
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 about 5% to the
last
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decade
Add an article
the decade
a decade
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 in 2010, meanwhile, Business
comes
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 to
bottom
Correct article usage
the bottom
show examples
 out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each degree.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Law was the least significant part of the degrees granted at the National University for the past two decades.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrate
  • degrees
  • granted
  • sectors
  • National University
  • 1990
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • pie charts
  • introduction
  • overview
  • compare
  • significant
  • changes
  • notable
  • shifts
  • trends
  • summarize
  • main
  • depicted
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