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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Fewer young people play sports these days. Why is this? what can be done to encourage more young people to do sports.

#people #sports
Sports
 plays a vital role
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better health and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
youthful
Correct article usage
a youthful
show examples
generation
.
However
, recent trend shows that the younger
generation
 is not spending
time
for doing
Verb problem
playing
show examples
 games or athletics.
This
 essay describes the causes for
such
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 lack of motivation,
time
 and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of physical
education
 in
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
along with
 the possible steps to overcome those problems.
To begin
 with, why youngsters are not attracted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
 , the new
generation
 is primarily lacking motivation and interest towards
sports
.
This
 is primarily because of their sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and
effect
Correct article usage
the effect
show examples
 of other technologies.
For example
, Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids and teenagers spend their
time
 more with computer or mobile
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching movies or shorts ,playing online games , and social media
chatting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
 , some of them are
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 away from
sports
due to
 the limited access and high cost of
sports
 facilities.
For instance
 , in
town
Add an article
the town
show examples
 area , the utilization of
sports
 facilities either we have to go for club membership or for the payment.
Moreover
 , the current
education
 system is not allowing them to find appropriate
time
ad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
. Different approaches can
adopt
Wrong verb form
be adopted
show examples
 to overcome the aforementioned problems which includes
inclusion
Add an article
the inclusion
show examples
 of adequate physical
education
 programme, free training centres and awareness programmes.
Firstly
, physical
education
 should be part of
syllabus
Correct article usage
the syllabus
show examples
, exams and grades.
This
 will not only motivate the students but
also
 increase
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dedication to do the same in their busy
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
.
Secondly
, starting of
sports
 complexes in various
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 of the town, which are accessible to the people for free or minimum cost. Most importantly awareness and weekly training
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 for
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation
 to be arranged to encourage or motivate the young
generation
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practice. In conclusion, it is a fact that the current
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, busy schedule and technology pull back
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
 from
sports related
Add a hyphen
sports-related
show examples
 activities.
Nevertheless
,
such
scenario
Correct article usage
a scenario
show examples
 can be overcome by suitable modification in curriculum, awareness
programme
Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
show examples
, and facilitating the surface to nurture their talent in an affordable way.
Submitted by unnikrishnanpp153 on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a coherent structure and relevant ideas, but the examples could be more specific and relevant to the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical structure could be further developed to improve overall coherence.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there is inconsistency in word choice and some expressions lack precision.
Grammatical Range
There is a good attempt to use a range of grammatical structures, but there are errors that hinder overall clarity and coherence. Check for subject-verb agreement and use of articles.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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