IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #e #g #holidays #children #retirement #development
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The layout of resources among older people, particularly whether they choose to spend their money on personal indulgences like
vacation
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vacations
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 rather than saving for their children’s inheritance, is a topic that sparks debate.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to assess whether
this
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 trend is a positive or negative development. Nowadays, the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 for old
individuals
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 spent most of their lives working and raising their families. Choosing to spend their
hard- earned
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hard-earned
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 money on themselves in retirement can significantly enhance their quality of
life
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. Holidays and leisure activities can contribute to improved mental and emotional well-being. Another positive aspect is reducing dependency, like investing in their own well-being, older people may reduce the charge on their children or society.
This
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self- reliance
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self-reliance
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 can be seen as a positive choice, as it helps individual responsibility and later
life
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.
However
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, the later years
in
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of
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life
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 should be a time for relaxation,
enjoyment
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and enjoyment
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. Spending on personal interests can guide to a more
preforming
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performing
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 retirement, which is, a positive outcome.
Although
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 older
individuals
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 might face unforeseen health or financial challenges in their later years. Overindulgence can leave them financially unprepared to cope with
such
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 emergencies, causing stress and hardship. Another negative step can be the generational values, in some
culture
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cultures
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 there is a strong emphasis on passing on wealth to the next generation. Neglecting
this
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 tradition may create tension within families and strain intergenerational relationships. In conclusion,
weather
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whether
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 older
individuals
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 spending money on themselves rather than saving for their children is a positive or negative development depends on the perspective. It is crucial to strike a balance. Older
individuals
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 should have the freedom to enjoy their retirement, but they
most
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must
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also
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 consider the financial well-being of their children. Ultimately, the decision should be guided by
person
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personal
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 circumstances and values, ensuring a harmonious transition into the golden years.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
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task response
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lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and word choice to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to express ideas clearly and effectively. Vary sentence structures and use more complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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