IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a person improves intellectual skills better when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #skills #group #activities
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In recent times, a
group
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 of folks have argued that human
intelligence
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 can be improved by joining
group
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programs
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,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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 statement. I personally believe that
group
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 activities can support the progress of intellectual
skills
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. Details of my viewpoint will be elaborated in the following paragraphs. Individuals’
intelligence
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 can be progressed through joining
team
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programs
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 since they can learn from teammates who are from different backgrounds and different ages. Forks from other backgrounds have various perspectives and methodologies when they face the same problem,
as a result
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, no matter children and adults are able to gain
intelligence
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 from various mindsets.
For instance
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,
people
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 like me work under a global
team
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, and my co-workers are from different countries. I found that my intellectual
skills
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 have increased
due to
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 working with teammates from outside Asia Pacific, who have different working styles and substance understandings.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can become more self-motivated to study harder after participating in
group
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 activities. Generally, forks do not have a clear self-evaluation of their levels of
intelligence
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 if they do not compare with others. Being part of
team
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programs
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 enables participants to have a fair judgement on their levels of intellectual
skills
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 since they can identify other intellectual
skills
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 of their competitors and teammates.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 can sense the fierce competition in the real world,
as well as
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 their distance from the smarter person.
Therefore
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, they will take their own initiative to increase more intellectual
skills
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. In conclusion, it is obviously found that intellectual
skills
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 can be increased through learning from other participants in
group
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 activities.
In addition
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,
people
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 become self-motivated to improve their intellectual
skills
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 after joining the
team
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programs
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.
Submitted by shaojiedang on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents the argument in a basic structure. However, the paragraphs could be better interconnected with transitions and cohesive devices. This would enhance the logical flow and understanding of your ideas.
task achievement
Your response to the task is largely adequate. You've presented a clear position throughout the response, which is good, but the ideas could be developed further with more relevant examples.
lexical resource
Beware of informal language (e.g., 'forks' should be 'individuals' or 'people'). Using a wider range of formal vocabulary would enhance the lexical resource score.
grammatical range and accuracy
More complex sentence structures and punctuation usage can increase the grammatical range score. Avoid repetitive sentence beginnings and incorporate a variety of complex structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual skills
  • group activities
  • collaborative learning
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • interpersonal skills
  • diverse perspectives
  • creativity
  • individual study
  • personal reflection
  • autonomy
  • learning styles
  • approaches
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