IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that a person improves intellectual skills better when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #skills #group #activities
In recent times, a
group
 of folks have argued that human
intelligence
 can be improved by joining
group
programs
,
while
 others disagree with
this
 statement. I personally believe that
group
 activities can support the progress of intellectual
skills
. Details of my viewpoint will be elaborated in the following paragraphs. Individuals’
intelligence
 can be progressed through joining
team
programs
 since they can learn from teammates who are from different backgrounds and different ages. Forks from other backgrounds have various perspectives and methodologies when they face the same problem,
as a result
, no matter children and adults are able to gain
intelligence
 from various mindsets.
For instance
,
people
 like me work under a global
team
, and my co-workers are from different countries. I found that my intellectual
skills
 have increased
due to
 working with teammates from outside Asia Pacific, who have different working styles and substance understandings.
Additionally
,
people
 can become more self-motivated to study harder after participating in
group
 activities. Generally, forks do not have a clear self-evaluation of their levels of
intelligence
 if they do not compare with others. Being part of
team
programs
 enables participants to have a fair judgement on their levels of intellectual
skills
 since they can identify other intellectual
skills
 of their competitors and teammates.
Furthermore
,
people
 can sense the fierce competition in the real world,
as well as
 their distance from the smarter person.
Therefore
, they will take their own initiative to increase more intellectual
skills
. In conclusion, it is obviously found that intellectual
skills
 can be increased through learning from other participants in
group
 activities.
In addition
,
people
 become self-motivated to improve their intellectual
skills
 after joining the
team
programs
.
Submitted by shaojiedang on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents the argument in a basic structure. However, the paragraphs could be better interconnected with transitions and cohesive devices. This would enhance the logical flow and understanding of your ideas.
task achievement
Your response to the task is largely adequate. You've presented a clear position throughout the response, which is good, but the ideas could be developed further with more relevant examples.
lexical resource
Beware of informal language (e.g., 'forks' should be 'individuals' or 'people'). Using a wider range of formal vocabulary would enhance the lexical resource score.
grammatical range and accuracy
More complex sentence structures and punctuation usage can increase the grammatical range score. Avoid repetitive sentence beginnings and incorporate a variety of complex structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual skills
  • group activities
  • collaborative learning
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • interpersonal skills
  • diverse perspectives
  • creativity
  • individual study
  • personal reflection
  • autonomy
  • learning styles
  • approaches
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!