Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, whereas others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both sides.
In
this
modern era, an ongoing debate regarding the reaction of widely known people
providing help to global level aid institutions bifurcates masses into two divisions, one that highlights the agreement of folks onto suggestion that the support draws the eyes on the problems, nevertheless
plethora of individuals defer on Add a comma
nevertheless,
this
, stating such
help makes the matter
less significant. I will elaborate both
faces in the upcoming discussion.
To commence, owing to modernization, it is not uncommon Change preposition
on both
of
Change preposition
for
people
to follow as well as
allow the famous faces to decide the severity of certain problems on a universal level. Celebrities taking chunks out of their pockets to aid many of the organizations,
draw Remove the comma
apply
umpteen
attention of not only the various common citizens but Correct determiner usage
the
also
the media companies. Moreover
, the act gets covered and typically showcased on gigantic social media platforms by the
means of promoting great workCorrect article usage
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
therefore
leads
to the Wrong verb form
leading
matter
getting serious attention. For an
instance, a report recently suggested Correct article usage
apply
the
spike in Correct article usage
a
people
caring about global warming just because a famous actor donated a huge amount of money to curb it.
On the contrary
side, it is argued to be having exact
contrasting effect where the support by celebrities, reduces the significance of the Correct article usage
an exact
matter
. Adding to this
, despite of
popular individuals donating money to a certain institution,it may appear as if there is not any Change preposition
apply
further
assistance required in the matter
moreover
folks might take it as simply a stunt by celebrities to remain in a span of attention hence
ignoring the real problem. To exemplify, recently a local newspaper covered the news of an uncommon man being interrogated on false aid for recognition making the real problem being ignored.
To conclude
the discussion, I would like to stand on the side of people
claiming such
acts updrafts the severity of the situation since the promotion of such
acts grabs eyes
of common folks on it, Correct article usage
the eyes
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
other
side of it cannot be neglected as it is a possibility that Change the wording
another
this
can just be a stunt to get recognized.Submitted by vedantsinh.gohil.2710 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
The essay provides some relevant arguments but lacks depth and clarity in discussing both sides of the issue. There is room for improvement in the logical structure and the inclusion of specific examples to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some level of coherence and cohesion, but the logical structure of the arguments could be further developed. There is a need for clearer introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion effectively.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource in the essay shows a range of vocabulary, but there is a lack of precision and accuracy in the use of some words and expressions. Additionally, more varied and appropriate vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a range of grammatical structures, but there are instances of awkward or inaccurate language use. Achieving a better balance in sentence structure and enhancing the accuracy of language use will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.