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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
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The line chart provides information on the proportion of the people of 4 Asian nations who
habit
Verb problem
inhabited
show examples
 the cities between 1970 and 2020, and with forecast data from 2030 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the most habitat city in the given examples was the
Philippines
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Indonesia was the lowest.
However
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the prediction,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 will peak among the other countries in 2040,
whereas
Linking Words
 Thailand will be the lowest. In 1970
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and the
Philippines
Use synonyms
 had approximately the same
percentage
Use synonyms
, which was about under a third.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 experienced
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
 rise for the following two
years
Use synonyms
,
anyway
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the
Philippines
Use synonyms
 remained
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the highest proportion at approximately half in 1990.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 shot up dramatically that year having the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 over the next
years
Use synonyms
 and its population will climb by more than 80% in the future. In 1990 the
Philippines
Use synonyms
 started decreasing slightly,
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 country will not be
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 top again reaching just over a half in 2040.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the bottom of the list were Thailand and Indonesia. These countries’
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 increased considerably and there was
20
Correct article usage
a 20
show examples
% rise in 2000. From that year Indonesia’s
percentage
Use synonyms
 started increasing dramatically over the next
years
Use synonyms
. It will continue growing and reach its peak at 60% in 2040. Thailand’s population remained stable from 2000 to 2020, and it will
shot
Wrong verb form
shoot
show examples
 up in the future
years
Use synonyms
 achieving approximately 50%.
Submitted by kama.star.00 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words philippines, percentage, malaysia, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shot" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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