Many manufactured food and drinks contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumables contain processed
sugar
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and
as a result
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of
consuming
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consumption
show examples
in
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is
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the biggest reason for many
health related
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health-related
show examples
issues.
Therfor
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Therefore
some
belive
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believe
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that
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apply
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that sugary food and drinks should be priced high in order to control
sugar
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consumption.
Eventhough
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Even
,
I
Correct word choice
though I
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agree that
sugar
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products
Use synonyms
are unhealthy, I firmly disagree that
emphazing
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emphasising
only on the
price
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alone on processed
sugar
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items
do
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does
show examples
not help to mitigate people buying
on
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apply
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sweet
products
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. In
this
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essay, I will
elloborate
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explain
why other factors
also
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should be considered
inorder
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in order
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to demotivate customers
buying
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from buying
show examples
such
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products
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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with, consuming processed
sugar
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in high
dosage
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dosages
show examples
can cause many individuals to gain
long term
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long-term
show examples
uncurable
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incurable
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diseases
such
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as diabetes, cancer, insulin resistance, infertility, vision problem and many more. As an example, a study proved that many manufactured and imported
products
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available in the Sri Lankan market contain high
level
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levels
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of
sugar
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contain
Verb problem
apply
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.
As a result
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of
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apply
show examples
,
a
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apply
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recent research showed that, Sri Lanka has the highest number of diabetes patients
amoung
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among
around
the other
south
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South
show examples
asians
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Asian
countries.
On the other hand
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, the product pricing should be fair for all the buyers irrespective of the customer spending power.
However
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, the rich man will still end up buying
sugar
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products
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eventhough
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even though
the
price
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is high.
For example
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, Corn flakes are a popular breakfast
opition
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option
in many countries, but irrespective of the
price
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still people end up having
corn flakes
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cornflakes
show examples
as an easy option for
morning
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the morning
a morning
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meal
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meals
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. In my opinion, apart from the pricing
factor
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factor,
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there can be other form of ways to discourage customers
buying
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from buying
show examples
high
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high-sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, educating the public
the
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on the
show examples
adverse
long term
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long-term
show examples
effects of
sugar
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through media would help consumers to reduce
sugar
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intake. In a nutshell,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
price
Use synonyms
control on
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
should not be the only factor to consider to demotivate the public from purchasing unhealthy
produces
Replace the word
products
show examples
. In conclusion, in today's
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals suffer from diabetes or obesity
due to
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consuming high
dosage
Fix the agreement mistake
dosages
show examples
of
sugar
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which I agree
.
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with.
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But I believe pricing
do
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does
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not
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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consumers purchasing choice
on
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of
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unhealthy foods.
Sugar
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is the main ingredient for some foods and drinks but from proper knowledge to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
can help people to replace sweet will help to control
sugar
Use synonyms
intake in an individual.
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task response
The essay partially addresses the task, but it lacks a clear overall opinion and does not fully develop the arguments to support the position.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has some logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion are weak, and the overall coherence and cohesion could be improved.
lexical resource
The lexical resource shows some variety but lacks precision and accuracy in the use of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates an attempt at a range of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasings.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugar consumption
  • Sin taxes
  • Price elasticity
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Dental caries
  • Subsidies
  • Clear labeling
  • Educational campaigns
  • Regressive tax
  • Healthier choices
  • Reformulation
  • Consumer autonomy
  • Dietary choices
  • Sugar tax
  • Heart disease
  • Behavioral economics
  • Public health
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