Many manufactured food and drinks contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumables contain processed
sugar
and
as a result
of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
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the biggest reason for many
health related
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health-related
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issues.
Therfor
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Therefore
some
belive
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believe
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
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that sugary food and drinks should be priced high in order to control
sugar
consumption.
Eventhough
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Even
,
I
Correct word choice
though I
show examples
agree that
sugar
products
are unhealthy, I firmly disagree that
emphazing
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emphasising
only on the
price
alone on processed
sugar
items
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not help to mitigate people buying
on
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apply
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sweet
products
. In
this
essay, I will
elloborate
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explain
why other factors
also
should be considered
inorder
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in order
show examples
to demotivate customers
buying
Change preposition
from buying
show examples
such
products
.
To begin
with, consuming processed
sugar
in high
dosage
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dosages
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can cause many individuals to gain
long term
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long-term
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uncurable
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incurable
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diseases
such
as diabetes, cancer, insulin resistance, infertility, vision problem and many more. As an example, a study proved that many manufactured and imported
products
available in the Sri Lankan market contain high
level
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levels
show examples
of
sugar
contain
Verb problem
apply
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.
As a result
of
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apply
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,
a
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apply
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recent research showed that, Sri Lanka has the highest number of diabetes patients
amoung
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among
around
the other
south
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South
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asians
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Asian
countries.
On the other hand
, the product pricing should be fair for all the buyers irrespective of the customer spending power.
However
, the rich man will still end up buying
sugar
products
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
the
price
is high.
For example
, Corn flakes are a popular breakfast
opition
Correct your spelling
option
in many countries, but irrespective of the
price
still people end up having
corn flakes
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cornflakes
show examples
as an easy option for
morning
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the morning
a morning
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meal
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meals
show examples
. In my opinion, apart from the pricing
factor
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factor,
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there can be other form of ways to discourage customers
buying
Change preposition
from buying
show examples
high
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high-sugar
show examples
sugar
products
.
For instance
, educating the public
the
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on the
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adverse
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
effects of
sugar
through media would help consumers to reduce
sugar
intake. In a nutshell,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
price
control on
sugar
products
should not be the only factor to consider to demotivate the public from purchasing unhealthy
produces
Replace the word
products
show examples
. In conclusion, in today's
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals suffer from diabetes or obesity
due to
consuming high
dosage
Fix the agreement mistake
dosages
show examples
of
sugar
which I agree
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
But I believe pricing
do
Change the verb form
does
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not
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
consumers purchasing choice
on
Change preposition
of
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unhealthy foods.
Sugar
is the main ingredient for some foods and drinks but from proper knowledge to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
can help people to replace sweet will help to control
sugar
intake in an individual.
Submitted by shazraibrahimphotography2 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the task, but it lacks a clear overall opinion and does not fully develop the arguments to support the position.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has some logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion are weak, and the overall coherence and cohesion could be improved.
lexical resource
The lexical resource shows some variety but lacks precision and accuracy in the use of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates an attempt at a range of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasings.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugar consumption
  • Sin taxes
  • Price elasticity
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Dental caries
  • Subsidies
  • Clear labeling
  • Educational campaigns
  • Regressive tax
  • Healthier choices
  • Reformulation
  • Consumer autonomy
  • Dietary choices
  • Sugar tax
  • Heart disease
  • Behavioral economics
  • Public health
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