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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
Other humans consider that young persons out to
work
 non-profitable job in the
sorrounding
Correct your spelling
surrounding
 area during their spare
time
.It can be an advantage to them and to the society
also
.In my opinion, I agree that
using
Change preposition
by using
show examples
 their free
time
helping
Change the verb form
to help
show examples
 the
community
 they will gain experience and make developments in those
areas
.
Firstly
, some human beings think it likely that, if children use their access
time
 to help the places around working for nothing in return they will get
first hand
Add a hyphen
first-hand
show examples
 experience and skills that can upgrade their daily life.Since they are used to
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
, some hard jobs will be easier
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them
due to
many
Correct article usage
the many
show examples
 tactics they
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 already learned.
Secondly
, teenagers have more energy to do
work
, so they can
work
 even for free because of
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 responsibilities as compared to adults and others do it for passion to know
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in future.
For example
, if an adolescent started brick-laying at the age of fourteen, it might
possible
Add a missing verb
be possible
show examples
 to be an expert in that field in the next coming decade and becoming
self- employed
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
. To add on, youth can
also
 provide positive achievement and
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society by using their spare
time
 doing activities in the
community
 without receiving money.
Develpoment
Correct your spelling
Development
 and improvement
whic
Correct your spelling
which
 is a benefit to the remote
areas
,
for instance
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rural
Add an article
the rural
show examples
areas
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have public toilets and boreholes.
Therefore
 young persons can
built
Change the verb form
build
be built
show examples
 bathrooms and drill boreholes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free period.
As a result
, rural dwellers benefited
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 clean and protected water and using
loo
Correct article usage
the loo
show examples
 all the
time
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in very busy
areas
.
In addition
, teenagers can
also
 form groups and create
programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 to clean the cities.
For instance
, in my country children every
last
 Friday of the month they gather and pick up litter and sweep the streets,
this
 will
also
 help the
community
 in terms of paying workers since those younger
once
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do it for free.From the age of thirteen to eighteen, they can
also
 give assistance to the
vulnerables
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
 those who
does'nt
Correct your spelling
don't
 have money to pay housemaids and
care givers
Correct your spelling
caregivers
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that both
community
 and juveniles could be advantageous at the same
time
 gained skills if teenagers
volunteer
Add the particle
volunteer to
show examples
 serve non-monetary jobs which can help them to alleviate poverty in their future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by cajaah93 on

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task response
Inadequate response to the task question. The essay does not clearly address to what extent the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and appropriate linking of information.
lexical resource
Varied vocabulary is used, but there are instances of incorrect word choice and awkward phrasing, leading to unclear communication of ideas.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures and contains various grammatical errors.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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