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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of people in three different countries.

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of people in three different countries.
The given figure compares the average
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
show examples
 of people in three various areas yearly.
Overall
Linking Words
, annual spending in
country
Use synonyms
 A has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted
more
Change preposition
for more
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 compared with
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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B
Use synonyms
 and
C
Use synonyms
. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be clearly seen from the graph,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
accommodations
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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costed
Correct your spelling
cost
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 the most in both countries A
by
Change preposition
apply
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45% and
B
Use synonyms
 35 %. Regarding
this
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 people spent 36 percent of their
money
Use synonyms
 on food for a year which
even
Rephrase
apply
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is the major part of their expenditure. In
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 A and
B
Use synonyms
 it
costed
Correct your spelling
cost
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 22% and 28% respectively.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, people in countries A and
B
Use synonyms
 have spent almost the least amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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, differently from
this
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 21% of
money
Use synonyms
 was
purchased
Verb problem
spent
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for
Change preposition
on
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it seems
citizens
Correct article usage
the citizens
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 of
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 have been more active
in contrast
Linking Words
A
Change preposition
to A
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and
B
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 only 12 percent of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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 has been spent on leisure
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 which in A and
B
Use synonyms
 it has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 22% and 23% in turn. The average amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to purchase others was only 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in city
C
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words country, b, c, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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