IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as a car mechanic or builders etc. to serve society.discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #university #education #work #car #mechanic #builders #society
A group of
people
 believes that teenagers should go to
university
 to
further
 their study
life
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other groups of humans support they should be encouraged to work as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
machine mechanic or builders etc. to serve society. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 both views are discussed. First of all, some
people
 think that
university
 is an essential way to improve and thrive young
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and it provides them with fundamental information. Many businessmen, prominent writers, doctors and other vital
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 played an enormous role in the
life
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in any country commenced
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their work
life
 with
high-quality
Add an article
a high-quality
show examples
 education. At the same time, these
people
 can be provided
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
lot of practical knowledge which can help them in the next parts of
life
.
For example
, the newspaper of Baku State
University
 wrote that 58 per cent of graduates in
this
university
 were known by the whole inhabitants,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was the
achieve
Replace the word
achievement
show examples
 of BSU.
Secondly
, the other groups of
people
 believe that universities and
collagues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
colleges
caused
Verb problem
are
show examples
wasting
Replace the word
waste
show examples
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation cannot learn essential factors about
life
, jobs and
keys
Correct article usage
the keys
show examples
 of specialionalism. Especially, society needs
people
 who know more practical details about their profession and they should control
unexcpected
Correct your spelling
unexpected
 situations.
For example
,
Baku
Correct article usage
the Baku
show examples
city journal
Correct your spelling
City Journal
show examples
 elaborates that the leaders of the five biggest
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Azerbaijan did not study at any
university
, most of them came to the capital from
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
 studying can be needed by humans
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
knowing
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 basic knowledge about science and non-science fields,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
talent and practice can be more effective for
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. l strongly support
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 opinion,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it depends on personality and
people
 should take priority over themselves accurately.
Submitted by zehrahesenova772 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the structure and flow of the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
The essay needs to address the prompt more fully and provide more comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: