You work for an international company and you need sometimes off to attend a family celebration Give details of the celebrations Explain the reason why you need time off Suggest a way to have your work done during that time

Dear sir , I am writing
this
letter
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regarding vacations. I need one
week
Change noun form
week's
show examples
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
because I am going to my home to attend a family function. Actually, my brother's marriage is next month, so it is important for me to attend
this
special moment .All my friends
as well as
relatives
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
marriage. I want
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
one
week
Change noun form
week's
show examples
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because my brother
come
Wrong verb form
is coming
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada after 5 years. It will be
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
enjoyable moment for me . I want to spend time with my brother. I want to share my suggestion with you,
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
I work during those days .I would
be work
Change the verb form
be working
show examples
online and I already discussed
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
my team ,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
send
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
me pending work . I hope you will address these concerns as soon as possible . Thank you for
consideration
Correct pronoun usage
your consideration
show examples
Manpreet
kaur
Change the capitalization
Kaur
show examples
Submitted by shaganpreetbal1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay lacks proper format and structure. The response to the task requirements is incomplete and lacks clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is weak, and there are issues with the introduction and conclusion. The main points lack development and organization.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is limited, and the vocabulary and expressions used are not suitable for formal writing. There is also an inconsistent and weak use of vocabulary and phrases.
grammatical range
There are notable issues with grammatical range, including sentence structure, verb tense usage, and punctuation. The essay lacks a variety of complex structures and the use of appropriate grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: