IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prisoner sentence. others think that there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prisoner #sentence #alternative
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In recent years, it has been a highly debate issue whether enhancing prisoner sentences is the best way to reduce
crime
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 in society.
While
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 supporters believe that a more serious punishment will lead to
a
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an
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 increased deterrence. Others claim that there are better alternative ways to reduce
crime
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. Personally, I agree with the latter. First and foremost, simply increasing the length of prison sentences could be a deterrent for some individuals but it does not necessarily lead to a significant reduction in
crime
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 rates.
Instead
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, it will become the burden of the rehabilitated people, as the more time they need to stay in prison, the greater the chances of disconnection from society.
As a result
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, it will be harder for them to adjust to life after leaving prison.
On the other hand
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, there are much more effective approaches that can reduce the
happen
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happening
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 of
crime
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.
For instance
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, provide education to the public,
social
Correct word choice
and social
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 and economic interventions. The government can provide some correct beliefs and values through some events and talks or even on TV which can help prevent individuals from engaging in criminal behaviour in the first place.
Moreover
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, the government can bring out policies that improve the living standard for the poor like providing subsidies and improving access to employment which result in a decrease in the
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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 that contribute to criminal behavior. In short, there are better alternative ways to reduce the
crime
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 rate, raising the prisoner years should be the latest thing to do.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task response
Consider providing a clear and balanced discussion of both views, along with a stronger position statement.
coherence cohesion
Adequate logical structure and presence of introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that the main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations.
lexical resource
A wide range of vocabulary is used, but there are some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. Work on using more precise and appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a fairly good command of grammar and sentence structures. However, there are some errors in sentence structure and word usage that need to be addressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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