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Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared (freely) Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Choosing to whether
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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information
free
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freely
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 or not depends on many aspects.
That is
, it can be some tips about how to make a delicious cookie or about scientific research that can change the whole world.
According to
 that, many may say, and I agree, that some data are so important to be shared freely. The main reason
of
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for
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 some
people
Change noun form
people's
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 interest
on
Change preposition
in
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 sharing knowledge for free is probably to help others not to experience what they had to achieve something.
For instance
, a person who is successful in business can
share
 his advice with others, so they can use it to improve and
also
Rephrase
apply
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prevent failure
Change preposition
in
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on
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in
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 that field. Needless to say, should extended countries
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not
share
 their solution for Corona vaccination, weak countries like Iran would never be able to control the pandemic itself. In that case, only when
do
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apply
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others
share
 their
information
 freely, the whole world can survive.
However
, it is necessary to consider the situation before sharing
instruction
Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
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 without any payment.
For example
,
considering
Wrong verb form
consider
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 a business company which is holding special courses about financial. If one of its
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
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share
Change the verb form
shares
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 the
information
 which is
reposing
Correct your spelling
reposting
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 just in those courses, that company might be bankrupt soon. For that matter, we cannot disclose data with high importance.
Besides
, that way, not only have everyone
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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try hard to achieve what they desire
,
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apply
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 but
also
 they might realize some new
information
. In conclusion, it is better to think twice before
let
Change the form of the verb
letting
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 anyone have access to any instruction,
specially
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especially
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 the delicate ones, to prevent any abuse of it.
Submitted by hanarad41 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to ensure a clear and organized presentation of ideas. Develop a stronger introduction and conclusion to provide a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed in the response. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support the arguments and opinions presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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