IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 of some
countries
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have the young
people
Use synonyms
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 when their
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 have
the yonge
Correct word choice
young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 will be good because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 that could
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Another
Correct quantifier usage
Other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 good
due to
Linking Words
 some
countries
Use synonyms
 limit the
population
Use synonyms
, if
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have more young children, it will over
limit
Wrong verb form
limited
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages
about in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 some
countries
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One of
advantages
Add an article
the advantages
show examples
 is increasing the
population
Use synonyms
. In some
countries
Use synonyms
 support the family to have more children because that can
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, in Singapore,
Philiphine
Correct your spelling
Philippine
Philippines
 and so on. What is more chancing to improve the educations as when they have a lot of young generation, the government could improve a good
education
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they can develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
systems
Fix the infinitive
to include
show examples
include
Wrong verb form
including
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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quilifled
Correct your spelling
qualified
 teachers,
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good atmosphere.
Body paragraph 2
One of
disadvantages
Add an article
the disadvantages
show examples
 is the place for study. If the young generation still a lot, the school will not
enough
Add a missing verb
be enough
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the study, the government should construct more
schod
Correct your spelling
schools
.
Body paragraph 3
Also
Linking Words
, when they have the new schools, the teacher will not
enough
Add a missing verb
be enough
show examples
 to teach them. The university should get more
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
education
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 4
Another
disadvantages
Replace the adjective
disadvantage
show examples
 is the quality of
education
Use synonyms
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many students learn in the classroom, the teachers can not take care
Change preposition
of all
show examples
all
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they have a problem they will need some help from the teachers.
Furthermore
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, when they grow up, the
unemployee
Correct your spelling
unemployment
unemployed
 problem will happen because the company can not receive everybody to get a job.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in some
countries
Use synonyms
 that have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
population
Use synonyms
 more than the old
population
Use synonyms
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should manage the
education
Use synonyms
 system.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should prepare the plans for
sloving unemployee
Correct your spelling
solving unemployment
 problems which can happen in the future.

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task response
Ensure you address the task directly; the question asks you to discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which you did not do clearly. Your essay should make a definite stance on this.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's logical structure requires improvement. Aim to clearly separate your points into distinct paragraphs with topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Support your points with specific, relevant examples to enhance their strength and clarity. This is an area you need to develop further.
grammatical range and accuracy
Review key concepts such as subject-verb agreement, consistent verb tenses, and sentence structure to reduce the number of grammatical errors throughout your essay.
lexical resource
Enhance lexical resource by using a broader range of vocabulary. Avoid repetition and ensure accurate word choices.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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