IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary era, there have been significant
advertisements
Use synonyms
 for various companies and businesses. It is said that some
people
Use synonyms
 think that advertising can influence
people
Use synonyms
 to purchase more products,
while
Linking Words
 others have the opposite viewpoint that they believe
people
Use synonyms
 ignore most
advertisements
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their abundance. In my opinion, they are successful enough, and I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there have been exciting
advertisements
Use synonyms
 recently, which can increase the profit of corporations. They use different methods to capture a lot of
attention
Use synonyms
 and attract more followers for their goods.
For example
Linking Words
, they invest in famous actors or sportsmen to attract more
attention
Use synonyms
. These popular can affect the majority of the population, especially the young generation, because some of the celebrities are considered youngsters' role models.
Moreover
Linking Words
, companies can introduce new versions of their products from time to time to get a lot of
attention
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, they offer many discounts in different situations to encourage more advocates.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can increase their things by using their approaches.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 have very repetitive contents, which reduce the concentration of
people
Use synonyms
 when they want to do different tasks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can distract
people
Use synonyms
's
attention
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are bothered by
advertisements
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 try to skip them many times, especially when they are working on important projects or watching movies on TV.
Consequently
Linking Words
, businesses decrease the level of the audience’s satisfaction, and they cannot attract them to sell their goods. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 sometimes they cannot get
attention
Use synonyms
 from their alliances, they can foster their sales rate by offering discounts and investing in celebrities. I recommend that the government provide policies to allow them to advertise their products during a specific time, which is suitable for
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can keep a balance between increasing their sales and attracting
attention
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay: say what you will talk about in the intro, then add your view at the end.
content
Discuss both sides clearly and give your own view with a simple reason.
content
Give one or two clear examples that connect to each point.
language
Check your grammar and use simple words to be easy to read.
content
Clear attempt to discuss both views.
structure
Has an introduction and conclusion.
content
Uses some examples like celebrities and sales offers.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: