IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems if people try to achieve this balance? How to overcome these problem

#people #aim #balance #work #lives
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In the
fast- paced
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fast-paced
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 world, balancing professional and personal life becomes
top-notch
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a top-notch
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 priority for numerous people,
on the contrary
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, there are merely a tiny number of individuals who achieve it.
This
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 problem results from the fact that crowds usually put all their efforts
in
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into
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 one specific aspect and sacrifice others,
however
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,
time
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 management or government policies will be an effective solution to deal with it. It is
hardly
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hard
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 for people to balance as it strongly depends on their struggles and schedules. Regarding the former, the number of employees who are occupied with
nine- to- five
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nine-to-five
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 jobs and neglect their own life have increased significantly. Particularly, workaholics ought to spend more effort in order to maintain a stable position, have an opportunity in career
prospect
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prospects
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 and capability to relieve the financial burden
due to
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 the competitive market,
thus
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 having
such
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 a limited
time
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 to improve their well-being. Cited
from
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to
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WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
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 newspaper, more than 50 percent of
labors
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labourers
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 crammed for
career
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careers
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, leading to poor mental,
physical
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and physical
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 health condition and
relationship
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relationships
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.
According to
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 the latter, the number of workers, especially women,
foster to
Verb problem
apply
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take responsibility for domestic chores as housewives in many developing countries, namely Vietnam, India, etc. which
have
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has
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 adverse impacts on their job satisfaction and productivity.
As a result
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, they are unable to take over the job properly because of household burdens.
Nevertheless
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, there are
few
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a few
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 steps that can be implemented to reduce the imbalance
such
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 as
master
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mastering
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time
Use synonyms
 management
skill
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skills
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 or new suitable policies.
Firstly
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, by planning schedules and selecting the most essential tasks, people will be able to follow and adjust options,
therefore
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, thousands of users
nowaday
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nowadays
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 have used a wide range of methods to arrange a list of works and achieve balance.
Besides
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, objective effects from the government like reducing working hours or promoting several campaigns that encourage inhabitants to focus
both
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on both
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 sides of their
life
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lives
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 are
also
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 increasing living standards. In conclusion,
although
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 imbalance
result
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results
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 in the individual specific burden: workload or household chores,
this
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 social problem can still be solved by managing
time
Use synonyms
 and
adapt
Wrong verb form
adapting
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with
Change preposition
to
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 new policies
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task response
Ensure that you address all aspects of the task statement in sufficient detail and depth.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to connect ideas and develop a stronger link between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary range by using a wider variety of words and expressions to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of grammatical structures and more complex sentence patterns to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical control.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
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