In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

this

day and age, youngsters in several nations are suffering from

obesity

. In

this

context, some individuals hold the view that the authorities should be in charge of

this

issue. As far as I am concerned, I partly concur with

this

statement. Admittedly, it may be reasonable to a certain extent to put the onus of tackling

children’s

unhealthiness and

obesity

on the

government

. The primary explanation can be attributed to the authorities’ power and resources. To be more specific, those in power have public funds at their disposal and can mobilize human

as well as

financial resources to help improve youngsters’ degrading well-being.

For example

, more public

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

facilities should be provided so as to encourage the young to exercise more, thereby staying in shape.

Additionally

, the

government

can initiate various campaigns to raise

children’s

awareness of leading a healthier life.

In other words

, the

government

should be partly in charge of overweightness and declining

health

among young people.

Nevertheless

, it is

also

undeniable that not only the

government

but

families

and

schools

should

also

take

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsibility for alleviating the issue of

children’s

well-being.

Firstly

families

should take care of their own offspring’s

health

. As parents are the most intimate people to youngsters, they tend to have the greatest influence on their way of living.

Therefore

, by providing their offspring with nutritious meals and

promoting

Verb problem

encouraging

show examples

them to exercise,

families

can contribute significantly to combating

obesity

Secondly

, educators should

also

join their hands in tackling

this

issue. Specifically,

schools

had better integrate knowledge on

nutritions

Fix the agreement mistake

nutrition

show examples

and

health

into curricula so that students can alter their

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

Moreover

, rather than focusing solely on academic subjects, physical education should

also

be put emphasis on so as to improve

children’s

overall

development. These arguments

taken

Wrong verb form

take

show examples

into account,

families

Correct pronoun usage

that families

show examples

and

schools

should

also

be accountable for assisting children in preventing

obesity

and unhealthiness. In conclusion, it is my perspective that

in addition

to the

government

families

and

schools

should

also

be liable for alleviating

obesity

and bad

health

among the young.

Submitted by yeshomeclass on Thu Nov 09 2023

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task response

Ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant to the main points and support the arguments effectively.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a consistent and logical progression of ideas and use cohesive devices to connect different parts of the essay more effectively.

lexical resource

Continue to expand the range of vocabulary used, incorporating more varied and precise lexical choices.

grammatical range

Pay attention to more complex sentence structures and grammatical forms to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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