Some people suggest that sport helps people learn about teamwork, but others say it can encourage to be too competitive. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Sam
was looking forward to going out with his friends for the day, but his friends were busy at the
last
minute. But
Sam
seemed like he wasn't angry at his friends as he was a kind boy.
Sam
is a high school student born and raised in Busan, Korea.
Sam
lived with his grandma, who cared for
Sam
when he was a baby until he turned into a high school boy because her
mother
left him when he was born.
Sam
has asked her grandma about his
mother
many times; she told him that because of poverty, his
mother
couldn't afford his life, so his
mother
had to move to Seoul to find a job to care for
Sam
. Since
Sam
's grandma told him about his
mother
, he has decided that after he graduates high school, he will study college in Seoul and find his mom.
Submitted by baonguyet3110 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the given topic and includes a clear and balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the organization of your essay to ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas, and include a proper introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and cohesively.
grammatical range
Focus on sentence structure and grammar to further develop your range and accuracy of language use.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: