IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness in life. do you strongly agree or disagree?

#people #money #source #happiness #life
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In today's
society
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society,
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 citizens consider that
money
 plays an important role in
happiness
Add an article
the happiness
show examples
 of our life.
Yes
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Yes,
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money
 is needed at every instance of our life from our birth to the day we die and from my point of view
i
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I
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also
 think
its
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it's
it is
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 true that cash does affect the smiles on our
face
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faces
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. In the paragraph below
i
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I
show examples
 will elaborate my opinion for the same notion.
Firstly
, I think
their
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there
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 are more possibilities to dream and achieve big when we have enough funds.
For
example
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example,
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 a study from a university in New York shows how most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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middle class
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middle-class
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 families spent half of their
lifes
Correct your spelling
life
 earnings
by
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apply
show examples
paying
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 and
colleges
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college
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 tuition fees , loans and other grocery bills.
therefore
, all
this
 creates pressure for us to do jobs we are not usually
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in.
Secondly
, we all at
point
Correct quantifier usage
some point
show examples
 feel to have
luxeries
Correct your spelling
luxuries
 in our life
such
 as
big
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a big
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 house, cars, and some situations enough
money
 to travel around. Not necessarily for long terms but even for a
while
 these materialistic things succeed at making us happy for a fact
its
Correct your spelling
it is
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also
 one of the reasons why getting gifts
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 us happy.
To conclude
this
 topic
i
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I
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 would like to share my personal relation with
money
 and how at most times it brings me happiness in
forms
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the forms
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 of new
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
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 and food
for instance
last
 week
i
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I
show examples
 was unhappy about something and my mom brought me patties from my favorite restaurant and that make me felt joy.
Submitted by shrivastavatanishka2003 on

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coherence cohesion
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lexical resource
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grammatical range
Work on using a variety of sentence structures and tenses to demonstrate control of grammar. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of articles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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