some people think money plays major role in bringing happines in life do you agree

#people #money #role #happines #life

In today's society, citizens consider that wealth plays an important role in the happiness of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Yes, fund is needed at every instance of our

life

from

our

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

birth to the day we die and from my point of view I

also

think it is true that cash does affect the smiles on our faces. In the paragraph below I will elaborate my opinion for the same notion.

Firstly

, I think there are more possibilities to dream and achieve big when we have enough funds.

For example

, a study from a university in New York shows how most middle-class families spent half of their

life

earnings paying school and college tuition fees , loans and other grocery bills.

therefore

, all

this

creates pressure for us to do jobs we are not usually interested in.

Secondly

, we all at some point feel to have luxuries in our

life

such

as a big house, cars, and some situations enough capital to travel around. Not necessarily for long terms but even for a

while

these materialistic things succeed at making us happy for a fact it is

also

one of the reasons why getting gifts makes us happy.

To conclude

this

topic I would like to share my personal relation with money and how at most times it brings me happiness in the forms of new clothes and food

for instance

last

week I was unhappy about something and my mom brought me patties from my favorite restaurant and that make me felt joy.

Submitted by shrivastavatanishka2003 on Thu Nov 09 2023

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Task Response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clarity in presenting ideas. It needs to provide a more balanced argument and consider different perspectives.

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is unclear, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks clear organization of main points and supporting details.

Lexical Resource

Lexical Resource: The vocabulary and word choice are limited, and there is a lack of variety in expressing ideas. Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay's quality.

Grammatical Range

Grammatical Range: There are several grammatical errors, including tense inconsistencies and sentence structure issues. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures and maintaining grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

252 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people think money plays major role in bringing happines in life do you agree

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think that it should be provided to doctors and teachers discuss both views and give ur views

Historical objects and artefacts should be brought back to their country of origin. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments spend a large amount of money every year on works of art. ( for example, pain things & sculptures ) Do you think this is a good or bad use of public money ?

Many old buildings are protected by law because they are part of nation's history. However, some people think old buildings should be knocked down to make way for new ones because people need houses and offices. How important is t to maintain old buildings